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I have come to realize that my inability to write out certain ideas or to speak certain idea's is because I'm too much of a perfectionist. I had always thought it was laziness (though laziness possibly still has a role) but it turns out I just don't accept anything that doesn't seem perfect. Whatever slips out is some mere accident formed out of either pride or humility in understanding. It is either that I thought it was perfect, or because I knew it could never be perfect do to my personal lack of knowledge. Many people point at me and say to me I am a know it all, or 'close-minded.' I have even been called a coward to a degree. I don't believe any of those to be the case, it isn't that I am a know it all, I just know I must stand somewhere and have found solid ground to stand on.

Some things I may very well still be in the sea sailing in a storm of doubt and uncertainty, taking a firm stand in order to find out which might be the best stand. But on others, I have already built a house on the rocks of the shore, supported by strong beams and walls which block the beating winds of fear and confusion. If I am viewed as close minded, it is merely because, unlike them, I was willing to take some sort of stand in my uncertainties (lest I fall) and have found ground in my certainties (which protect me from the storms outside.) It is not that I cannot see (or refuse to see), rather it is I have seen and known through the roughs seas I traveled, which stand is the best to stay firm on.

Just a thought, not even a well set up one. Possibly even confusing. But for now, just a thought.