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Entry~
((The page is filled to the brim with words, an arrow pointing to the page next to it.))
Um...the rest of the day was weird. Like, holy-hell-what-did-I-just-do/say.
...Yeah.
I went over to Village Greens to help Gert level up, since she isn't a very experienced fighter. We went to the Gnome General and kicked some a**.
...I may have raged at him for not showing me his coffee stash. ...Then I may have stole it.
...Eh, what are you going to do.
But then it was time to go, so while Gio went off on his own, I had to rush Gert through the outerworld. ...I may have had to defib her a few times. Erk.
But hey, I'm pretty comfortable with my sexuality, so...
We ran in GoldBeach, meeting Rin, Kara, and Rika.
We all decided to go fight off one of the Dunesalem brothers. Easiest one, since I didn't feel like rowing through the whole trio of islands and since I knew the oldest one would kick everyone's asses.
Eh, we beat the first one pretty easily.
Came back to the bonfire, I arugued with Rika for a while. I don't care if she is afraid, she needs to do it. How the hell does she expect herself to go through life without getting the horrible deeds she never did off of her mind? I suggest to her to look up the definition of 'hope'.
Kara was messing with poor Gert's sunstroke-mind. We all went over to Buccaneer Boardwalk, and I was talking to the crabs while Gio tricked Gert into eating sand-candy lookalikes.
He asked me what language I didn't know. I don't know most human languages, I guess?
Anyways, Gert was pounding Gio's head in when Bri showed up, too. I sort of tackle-hugged her.
Oh, I told everyone that Gio kissed Tri. Bri mentioned him. Uh, guess that promise was broken...Since he told everyone I turned into a fish-girl.
...Douche.
Oh yeah, huge splash fight too. I may have cursed him out in alien, pff. No big deal...
Then somehow while he was swimming off, the topic came on Al again...
Sui and Gert started teasing me too.
Ergh. Then Gio swam back and started teasing me too...
Goddamnit, we are just friends...(Why do I want to scratch that out furiously?)
Thankfully, the topic was over with because Bri is an angel. We all went to the bonfire 'cause they lit it.
Gert did some hilarious manly-fire dance while Sui and Gio talked about burning in hell and being eaten or something. I watched those devilish heels burn to ashes.
Then I walked curiously in the fire. Surprisingly, it didn't burn. Gert joined me, and we sort of stood around, fascinating. Gio and Bri sort of freaked out, telling us that we just had barriers on us that would probably wear off.
So we got out, and Gert did this weird thing with the fire, making cake. Gio was about to try some, and Sui told some weird story that she turned into a guy.
So, being ever curious, I ate some. It tasted...caramel-y, and then all ashy, like burnt food. Eugh. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth.
...Then I got all dizzy and fell. Everything is blurry from there, but I do remember telling everyone (Sui,Gert and Gio mostly.) they were douches/should go screw themselves.
So the party ended and we all poofed back.I fell unconcious.
...Then things get a bit weird, y'see...
When I'm back in my regular body, I'm listening to Sui tell me something. My memories are all scattered throughout, but they're all from the same place. I saw things through different eyes, but the memories were fresh.
...Calling Sui Sissy...telling everyone (In front of Al, erk.) that I was going to marry Ray...(What, I didn't know what it meant back then!)
Dubbing Raz, Ed, and Al uselesses...(Damn, Sissy Sui is influential. Though I remember completely adoring her. ...Also inviting her to our wedding. ) Thinking Gert was a big hairy monster...
As I was getting older, Sui was trying to convince me that there was another Lily who worked really hard to get mom back. She told me that we can't freeze time, and I remember, for just a split second in changing, that I believed that her.
...It makes everything else so much more bitter, heh. But I love Sui even more, now. ...I think some of my childish adoration seeped into me.
I ran back to the center to apologize to Al, and I hugged him. He asked me to get off of him, (Why do I feel a little heart-broken writing that?) and everything was sort of awkward.
So he fell asleep, while Raz and Sui were bickering.(I may have been watching him, whatever.) Then he began to talk in his sleep, and they stopped bickering.
...First he started blabbering about how pretty lilies were...Which I swear, is totally justifiable. Flowers are pretty, right? I had to shush Sui furiously though, since I couldn't hear Al over her since Al could have woken up. She made a comment about me wanting to hear sweet nothings...
...Pfft, I was just curious. I was wondering if he was going to start talking about petunias next, or something.
Then he started talking about a singular L lily...
(The writing here becomes slightly shaky.)
He said he loved her.
Sui and Raz thought it was about me, though I denied it. People say stupid stuff in their sleep all the time, right?
Anyways, he rolled over and woke up. I had to mute Sui and Raz, then melt their snow writings. Raz tried sign language, but thank god, Al doesn't know it.
Then he told them that he didn't want to hear anything that made me feel uncomfortable. ...The sweet.
He left, since he needed sleep, and then Cielle appeared. Cue spazzy, awkward Lily.
I had to leave too, since I needed to stare at a wall. Raz asked me what I felt towards Al, and I...
I don't know. I really don't know.
When Al explained that we were just friends, I didn't confirm it. Something in me didn't want me to.
As I get closer to Al, I'm forgetting Ray. His face is a bit more blurred to me now, and I'm...I'm scared. What if he fades away completely?
Then there is this...longing...
I...I don't know what to think anymore. I want to view Al as the adorable little first year that needed protection, but I just can't anymore.
I don't want to break his heart. I don't want to hold his hand with part of my feelings being somewhere else. Al deserves better than a broken mirror to love.
I don't know...Such a day of mixed feelings...ugh.
 Siyaahi · Fri Dec 23, 2011 @ 05:44am · 0 Comments |
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