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Entry~
Tired. Oh so very tired.
I need coffee.
Today was a mixture of emotions that just sort of bubbled out.
I had already been feeling like total crap the whole day -- what with the whole 'My friend is freaking dead, I'm sick and I don't even know what the heck it is, and my mom and mirror image is also dead'.
I decided to go into the fairy fountain, (It is my thinking spot after all.) when I realized that there was no fairies, or music playing...
It also alarmed me when I saw the fountain was beginning to dry up.
You know what was the next thing I saw? A dead fairy. It's wings were slashed, and it looked as if it had been crushed by a bug. When I realized that it had an 'x' on it, along with the fact that it was the fairy Navi had became friends with...
I ran.
I ran out of the forest, straight into the center. I found Rika and Gio there, and went straight for Rika. I told her that it was dried up-- I must have looked so freaked out...
Gio looked a bit startled when I told him it was the place I had got the water to help his hand ( Though I think he was in more in shock when he was told London was dead, which I figured Rika had. ) -- Navi looked distraught when I told her that her friend was dead...
Bri and Harper somehow came in the middle of this while I had buried my face into Rika's shoulder. I was so close to having another fit; I had to sit down to make sure I didn't throw up.
Somewhere along this Gio said something that made me snap -- I was about to yell at him when the coughing finally broke out. He was heartless about it; I don't really mind, since he just thought it was a regular coughing fit.
I still had anger simmering inside of me, so I forced it down and yelled at him. I told him it wasn't our fault that he was so stupid not to look at the bulletin, that he didn't even care about London anyways, that it wasn't like we were going to come to him first when our friend had just died.
The argument got really heated, until we were in each other's faces; both flaming up with anger, both yelling. I could feel my stomach lurch every time, but somehow my anger managed to push it down.
I screamed at him that maybe we were keeping our sadness pushed down inside of us. He grabbed me, and looked as if he was ready to punch me. I was about to make the first hit when---
He hugged me.
I was completely shocked by it, but I buried my face in his shoulder anyways. We both just sort of stood there, crying. It was kind of nice, in a strange way; not the mushy way I bet Rika would feel, but the 'hey maybe I'm not so alone' kind of nice. I mean, I've been hugged millions of times before. But from Gio...only this one time, and the time we visited Ray.
Then he let go, and told me it was stupid to hide things. Rika made an off-hand remark that was rich coming from him.
I finally retched.
Bri said something -- I don't really remember, but I know it made me break down. I explained to them what I've been hiding --
After my mother had died and Jinx and I came back to GEIOW, one day I decided to go back.
I saw her face for the last time. I can still see it bright in my eyes -- Her skin was horribly pale, and she looked as if she was defeated. It was probably just me, but I know I saw the slightest hint of a regretful smile on her face.
I took her blanket ( I also took a necklace from her -- but I didn't tell anyone that. ) and slept with it for a few nights...That's how I got sick. (At least, that's how I think I got sick...) I haven't even told Jinx...
I sort of broke even more then. I kept on repeating that my mom was dead, my mom was dead...Bri sort of looked at me and asked the other three to leave. They did.
She drew me into a hug, and it reminded me like the ones Mother always gave me...She told me it was okay to let it all out.
I told her some of my fears, how I was afraid to get too close to people after Ray died...(Yet I have already began to, haven't I?) She told me that she wasn't afraid of death, that I was doing amazing things by setting up my borders. (I'm not too sure I believe her...)
I feel like...I feel like I can tell Bri anything nowadays.
We went back to the other three after awhile, when I finally decided to stop doing a Lena and pull myself together. We dicused safehouses, and decided one to be in Harper's home.
So we checked it out. It looked good enough. Then came the task of creating a portal...Harper gave each one of us a list of the ingredients.
I'm going to need a lot of coffee.
I did a bit of elven magic (I could hear Gio say something about how cool it was, hahaha.) to test out the growing of wolfsbane. I'm getting less tired every time I use the magic...
Though I'm going to have a lot of sleep-filled nights in front of me. Especially since I've began to lose all of my sleep again.
Jinx has turned into a teenager. I need to get her some bras...
Coffeeeeeeeee.
 Siyaahi · Mon Nov 28, 2011 @ 10:59pm · 0 Comments |
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