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I was forced to read the book Anne Frank's Diary for school recently. And actually i thought her outlooks on the world are pretty good. Very much like mine. I dislike most of the people in our government today. They're pretty bad. My dad and I share the opinion that whenever we have to elect the president the candidates are both bad and worse. sigh. This world is sooooo troubled.
Also I've realized somethings about myself. I'm critical of the people around me, but if my mom critisizes my friends, I get extremely defensive and pissed off. actually whenever she opens her mouth to talk, no wait, her pressence in the same room as me pisses me off. I hate the woman sadly. And my dad is just as bad, he loses track of time, which he once blamed on me, and told me it was my fault we were gonna be late to my grandma's because I'd been in the shower for like two hours (i'd only been in for one, and it was because my hair is so damn hard to manage) and that because of that he hadn't been able to shower himself. Well, there are two things wrong with this, first of all, if i was in that shower, why couldn't he have just used the other? and second, I wasn't in the God damn shower for two hours! My mom and brother are my witnesses. Then when i was trying to tell my dad I hadn't been in the showers he just suddenly got completely pissed off and started yelling at me! And he yells at me cause he gets confused for example we're in the car today listening to the radio.
Me: Dad, turn up the volume please.
(he turns it down)
Mom: You turned down the volume
Dad: you want it down?
Me: No, up.
Dad: shut up, mom you want it down
Mom: no up!
Dad: sheesh, your the one giving me mixed messages!
so yeah, my dad is going deaf. He also has been denying that the car is making funny noises, which he can't hear cause he's too damn deaf! my god! My family pins all the blame on me all the time! And my brother, oh don't get me started on him! His behavior is a hell of a lot worse then mine! He's older too. My mom is the worst in the family though. She gets annoyed by all this little stuff that's nothing to worry about really, then she comes and takes it all out on me!
She complains to me about everythign including my dad. She leans on me way too much and I don't think she realizes that right now, I have enough of my own problems to take care of. Most of my RL friends lean on me as well. I'm carrying the weight of their problems on my back as well as my own. This always results on me focusing on helping them with theirs, feeding them answers to gewt rid of the problems so i wont have to have them as well, but then they just give me more. I still haven't been able to come up with answers to my own questions. I'm always a nervoous reck when it comes to stuff. I'm lazy, but that's only because I don't have anything to work for. i really can't stand life at the moment. There's just too much to take in and there's no love anywhere for me. none. My family doens't comfort me when I'm sad and broken (which i am now). When I'm happy and having a good time, they either have to ruin it for me, or tell me I can't be happy cause I'm making too much noise. They don't approve of what I like. My family and I are exact opposites for the most part. I'm the one who doesn't fit in.
that's probably good for a first entry. Plus no one's gonna read it any ways. That's just how much people care I suppose...