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I used to be a very un-complicated girl. Then I decided to change my ideology completely in an environment that won't support it. I feel lonely most of the time now - and I think about how lonely I am. I think of how I'm getting in my own way and that I don't know how to get over myself. Because at the end of the day, I'm sort of trapped in this naturalistic life I've created for myself. I live in my head and I can't say that I like myself for it.

I feel very disillusioned right now.
I could wait for him or move on like I know I ought to.
I could tell Guy that for a week, I've realized I've been dreaming about him. That that crush is alive and well and only yet to grow.
Or maybe I'm just ready to get that out of the way. Am I rebounding? Ooo, how awful.
Far more vividly than I did for him.

I think I need to get out of my own rut.
Do things I don't like to do just to switch things up.
Stop listening to PJ Harvey for a bit so that I stop thinking of certain situations - she's a great story teller.