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Why is it that whenever she's upset, I always come back to pick her up? I feel like a mother, or a big sister. She's tripped, she's fallen, she's crying. I walk back, pick her up, tell her what to watch out for so it doesn't happen again, and tell her "Be strong, it didn't hurt that bad, did it?"

And, of course, she trips, falls, and cries all over again.

So explain to me why I keep sighing, exercising my patience, and walking back to pick her up? I kept walking this time. But I kept looking back to see if she'd get up on her own. And she didn't. And I walked back.

Alex told me last night that he can't imagine anyone else anymore. That he was grateful to me, for everything I was doing. It made me so happy. Whenever I talk with him, I get confident. I get secure of myself, thinking that there's no way I could lose him. He even said I'd be sleeping in his bed with him again in November. He and I are building a bond. A relationship. He needs things that I don't think she could give him, and I'm here with them, ready for him.

But then, Jesse says that things don't feel right to her between Alex and I. They don't feel bad, but they don't feel right either. It gives me cause to worry, because she's usually scary accurate. It weighs really heavy on my mind. :/

I still want to give this my all, though. I'm putting a lot of effort into this. A lot of my heart. All of my dedication. I'm giving it everything I've got. And he's opening up to me, little by little.

This is always going to be an issue for her and I. She hid her feelings from me, she lied to me, she blocked me out, she called me things, she ignored me, she lashed out at me, she ignored communication. She refuses to be my friend, but she wants me just the same. I don't understand it. Maybe it's pity. Maybe it's old habits. But dammit, I just want to move past this. I'm tired of her crying to him all the time. I'm tired of her making me doubt myself and him. I'm just tired of it.

Hurry up and make amends, baka.