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In the endeavor of perfection in all its faultiness, my schedule filled so that dreaming couldn't quite fit in.
And what is perfection without obssession? Nothing.
And what of she whom endeavors for perfection without acknowledging she's obssessed? In severe denial.

Today, I heard from a financial aid officer that if my immigration status proved to be incompatible with the eligible non-citizens, I could not attend the school because there would be absolutely no way for me to pay for it and the debt would be an overwhelming onus for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life, I knew that place was the best place for me to begin the rest of my life and I have certainly worked hard enough to get there. But worthiness doesn't account much when one's faith is in other people's hands: I fear for my future because of it. What if I'm deported to Haiti? I don't speak the language, I don't know the culture, and I haven't been there since I was, at most, six months old.
What if I cannot go to college because I can't afford it? All that achieving, gone to waste to flip burgers, or, if I'm lucky, man a cashier.
I just can't believe that all my hard work might go to waste, not because of anything I could possibly control mysef, but due to the negligence of the government. Put my case in storage?! That just shows how much they give a sh*t about the people that come here. Inconsiderates. I just... am so disappointed.

also, side thoughts
I don't see why anyone would need drugs when one's emotions and mind will take you on an intense ride, should you be alone for it.
Like depression, a manic fight for high hopes and low lonesome moments. I'd like to say that there's real hope for me getting into the school of dreams, but now I am looking to see if I am too late to apply for a community college. I can't hate myself for trying to move on but I hate myself for giving myself the benefit of the doubt, overachieving, finally have what I think I deserve an armlength and a half away, only to have my ankles shackled, and the dream float away on a glacier; me, fighting to go for it whilst staying in place before exhaustion takes me and I have to hug myself, in feedle position on my own sheet of ice, making do without my dreams and settling for what is here.

I... just can't believe it. I'd cry but I'm still in so much shock. I'd hate my Haitian heritage but I just can't. I'd hate the government, but I yearn to be American. I'd hate myself but I've done so much just for a shot. I'd curse God but I'm sure he's just watching, wondering how this'll end up in my sitcom of a life, like he does for most everyone. I don't know who to blame and I'm sure I shouldn't be blaming anyone for an unfortunate situation. But... I certainly can't love anything I just listed - everything's let me down. And even if I do get in to the school of my dreams, I don't think I'll ever have faith in ethnicity, US citizenry, mysef, nor thine omega Creator. How could I? I've had nervous breakdowns and just as I start to get myself back together, my endeavors are declared inadequate. I just want to lay in bed and rewind my emotions to yesterday morning - joyful.

But this is probably another of many stories like this.