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Yeah, got lots to talk about.

Okay, so today Clara and I were sitting at dinner. She started talking jokingly about how she wants to get "s**t-faced drunk so bad". Now she's never drank before. Never. And she wants to. Just once, she says.
I am against this idea, for good reason.
She didn't see my logic.
We ended up getting frustrated at each other and she said "Well I guess I'll just leave then since my presence is just angering you. See you later. Maybe."
Now, she went home for the weekend. Meaning that she left before we could both cool down and talk things out. Meaning that there are a lot of angry feelings still festering between us, and I can't do anything about it. This is bad, because it makes me uneccessarily (FINE, ******** YOU SPELL CHECK. Tried to type that damn word four times!) stressed out, and also makes me sad and upset. So I sat at the table and cried for a tiny bit and Chad tried to make me feel better, and so did Tony. Both helped, but only a little bit. But then I got to thinking:
I hate drinking. I hate everything about it. And I'd soooo much love to just not associate with people that not only want to do it, but do it regularly. But if I did that... I wouldn't have any friends here. How sad is that?
(And I'm pretty sure she's still angry at me, too.)

It is SO HARD HERE. Not the trade. Not the work. But mentally. There are a lot of attractive boys here. Don't get me wrong. A LOT. And most of them are very responsive to me. And that's why it's so difficult. I want so badly more than anything in the world to stay faithful. I will cut out my own intestines and eat them before I cheat. But It's so difficult. I'm not saying I'm going to cheat, so everybody stop freaking out, because you all know I would never. I just have started considering Job Corps to be a sort of proving grounds; here's temptation, flaunting right in my face. Here I am, sexually frustrated. And here's my heart, refusing to go along with what my body is dying to feel.
To clarify, my body is dying to feel Loki and Nyx, people. Not the job corps boys.
But it's driving me so crazy! And I've never been more happy of my self-control. I actually kissed a girl's neck today knowing it would turn her on because she's so adorable when she gets all flustered (and then she smacks me, but it's funny x3). But I didn't expect myself to do it in the first place. It's like my body jumped at the opportunity. And I was all like "NUH! BAD BODY >:U "
But I'd like all of you guys to pray for me, okay? Pray for God to give me enough strength to control myself and keep my heart, mind, and body faithful to the men I love. Corrina, even if you don't understand what the hell I mean or why I'm asking or what I'm even talking about, it doesn't matter. I'd like all my friends to pray for me for this, and that includes you.

I'm sorry to everyone for not texting as much as I usually used to. I've been so busy that I can almost never find quiet times to myself. I know it's not much of an excuse, but it's all I've got. Please text me guys. I'd love to hear from you all, and I'd totally text back, even if I'm distracted. (Just not between 8am and 4pm, guys. That's class time.)

I've been so sick for the past week that I haven't even been able to do things with Loki ;-; I'm just barely getting better, and what happens? My week with him is almost over D;

LEAVE ME COMMENTS, PMS, AND JOURNAL ENTRY COMMENTS. I miss them, and I love reading them when I get online. heart

Not all that big an entry this time, huh?