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I wouldn't usually make three journals for one day because I tend to split my day into two parts but I need to get some stuff off my mind. I think I'm a huge failure to begin with. I just realised how much a suck at school and how my life is going nowhere. I've been so oblivious to everything around me. I've trapped myself in a life that...that really is not much of a good life. The only things I have that are good would be a semi-loving family and a girlfriend. My picture on my profile is rather...misleading i suppose. My mom tells me im handsome but come on....Is it not her job to say that? Same with my girlfriend...Fact is that picture is me looking at my best. In my opinion I look terrible in anything other than a shirt and tie. I've become acustoned to actually wearing that for my daily clothing. I went into my school dressed like that ad each and every person gave me weird looks. Not even the good looks. Almost like I don't even fit in. Well fact is i don't fit in. I wish I was a good looking gy and not fat and ugly. I wish i had a life that was not so dependant on other people. I wish i was smart like my girlfriend is and I am really jealous. Maybe if i had a life like hers then...I would not make her so angry and I would have friends and I would be smart and good looking. She never believes me when I say all those things to her. Sure it's true that it is "technically" my job to say those things...but what happens when you really mean those things? Is it still considered a job to be honest with your partner? Should they believe you? I think so. Right now I am thinking about popping two sleeping pills and getting my a** to bed as quick as possible, but that just means im escaping yet another night...and getting ready for yet another lonely and sad day.

End of entry #4 - Part 3

Luke. J. Hollis.