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I am extremly angry, sad, and disappointed right now. My girlfriend does not want to listen to me, I keep saying that I understand what her needs are right now and when I try ranting and telling her how I feel, she can't wait till i finish to interrupt me to tell me I am wrong and that I won't let her speak. Aren't i supposed to finish my thoughts? Apperantly not. Because of a promise I made to her to not harm myself in any way...I find it very hard to take a hold of myself right now. For all I know im hurting myself right now. I would not feel any pain at all right now because of how low I am feeling. I need to go outside, I need a phycologist, I need a friend. I want to be able to tell someone how I feel without theperson being all "hey, stop. You can't say that because I have something to say." I have a lot of work to do right now for school, but I honestly can't be bothered to do it anymore. I am tired of school, I don't want to be there anymore. I want to get out but the law says that an ontario studen MUST be nineteen to get out legaly. My only way out right now is expelltion, but I am not some ratty bad kid. Plus its not worth it in the long run. Honestly though...if I found out that killing myself would just make a persons life easier especially my girlfriend's life, I would do it in a heartbeat. She won't ever admit that killing myself would make her life easier, but I know it actually would. I have a list of why too.
List:
1. She can have better looking guys.
2. She can find someone that respects her time.
3. He won't be controlling or bossy.
4. He will be smarter and have a bette future.
5. She won't have to cry because of her boyfriend.
6. She could be treated like a real princess. (crying...)
7. She would be happier to have such a wonderful guy.
8. She could have friends.
9. She can actually have her own life..
The list goes on..and on...and on...But I can't just kill myself unless she says it's okay. Actually one time she did tell me, "If you're gonna do it...fine but make sure you tell me at least a week in advance or something so I can sa bye". I wonder if shestill thinks that at the moment. I am very confused, I don't know what to do and I want to somehow help but I don't know how. I NEED HELP.

End of entry #4 - Part 2

Luke. J. Hollis.