I keep trying to figure this out, it's stupid at this point. The way I'm approaching things is taxing for myself and those involved.
I think maybe I'm trying to be too strategic, it always happens like this actually. I get the point where I become burdensome. When I first meet someone I actually don't like them very much and I intentionally put a distance. They adore that side of me, but when I change the way I act they are repelled. I'll figure it out eventually, but I'm trying to hard for now. I need to put my s**t back together first. I KNOW how I'm getting back on my feet but I still haven't done anything. The sooner I get back to VA the better, really.
I mean sure I'm not starting school again til August... But with my bonus, my Drill pay, and a job I can live there as-per-normal even before school starts. I'll just lead a normal everyday life as a Virginian, and enjoy one last summer break xD I wonder why though I'm still pursuing this life. I want to go to school an be successful. I WILL be a successful man, no one can stop me. But other than the common desire to be successful I've no real reason to do it.
I was doing it for my mom, to make her proud. Then I was doing it for her, to make her happy. Then,just my mom again, and now, no one. I keep telling myself, do it for me, I don't need a reason from some one else. But I've always lived like this and it's hard to think in a different way.. I will do it, I will; but why??
Anyway, it's time to get serious. I'll go to the office tomorrow and get started again, I hope I can ship soon.
VaughnTophat Community Member 
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