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Disclaimer: I do NOT nor will I ever own Ed, Roy, or anyone/anything from the FMA series. (Even if I wanted to *depressed*) I’m just using them to put my twisted little plot into play. I am not making any profit out of this.

A/N:

This chapter is dedicated to my lovely beta-reader and best friend Vivi who inspired me to write a crack fic because of all the ones she sent me. : )

Summary: Hell breaks loose in the Headquarters as a full-out prank war erupts between Edward and Roy. “Don’t step up if you can’t keep up.” Roy stated triumphantly at Edward. CRACK! Not a slash.

Chapter 3:

Roy smirked as he came up with a plan with his trusted partner in crime. Hughes mirrored his look and said, “He’ll never know what hit him.”

“That’s the most ingenious plan we’ve ever come up with…you think he’ll agree to help us?”

“Well, he is our secret weapon. It’s essential that he helps; willing or not.” Hughes answered him while leaning back and placing his feet on the low table.

“Well, we don’t need his consent…we can just play with it and see how it turns out…let’s hope he falls for the bait.” Roy smirked while turning around in his chair and looking out the window, imagining what would happen.

“So,” Hughes drawled out, “Who’s on our side?”

Roy looked at him then tossed the note to Hughes who caught it with ease. Hughes read it over and chuckled slightly at the sides their staff was taking.

List Includes:

[x]Havoc: Unsure
[x]Hawkeye: Neutral
[x]Fuhrer: Not included
[x]Armstrong: unsuspecting helper
[x]Fuery: Roy’s side
[x]Breda: Roy’s side

“Together, we shall squelch this resistance.” Roy commented menacingly.

BREAK:

Edward and Alphonse are walking confidently into the headquarters after their escape.

“Brother, we shouldn’t be here…” squeaked Alphonse. “Roy probably wants our heads with the stunt we pulled.”

Edward stopped and turned towards his brother. He patted his arm reassuringly, “Nah don’t worry about it. What can he do? He’s some slave driving old man who can’t think one original plan without ordering someone. Most of the staff like us, so…we got nothing to worry about.” Edward said cheerfully while he confidently strode along.

Alphonse was starting to get paranoid and his head darted back and forth as if sensing something was wrong.

They didn’t even suspect what was coming.

“MY SPIRITED LADS! You decided to suddenly take me up on my offer!” Armstrong bellowed as he appeared out of nowhere looking cleanly shaved with pink sparkles in his aura.

Fear seeped into Edward’s soul as he stared up confusedly at Major Armstrong. “What offer?” He feared what the answer would be.

“Such enthusiasm found in a vigorous lad!” He laughed with enthusiasm. “Of course, it’s my offer to train you to become a highly respected, lovely man! Don't worry, my workout has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations and hasn't failed us yet! You'll soon become like me.”

Armstrong flexed as his shirt spontaneously ripped open showing the world his pulsating muscles as he flexed. “With my 10-hour workout each day for six days a week, you’ll have the same integrity of a man as I have. We shall start now to get a head start, but I expect you to be at my office at 5 AM every day so that we can enjoy the spirit of the lovely gym.”

“What?” Squeaked Edward as he stared wide-eyed at the sparkly, flamboyant, unusually large man.

He laughed as though the funniest joke spewed from Edward’s mouth. “Such spirit in a young lad aspiring to be like his role-model!” Armstrong charismatically responded while flexing his muscles in a pleased manner. “My muscles have taken a liking to you Edward. So let’s be off!”

That was the last warning Edward received before being hauled unceremoniously towards the gym. The surrounding officers in their offices peaked out to see a flying Edward screaming bloody murder, while a tin can was running after them shouting, “Brother!”

Down the hall, mischievous smirks were plastered upon the faces of Colonel Mustang and his partner in crime, Lieutenant Colonel Hughes. They both started to snicker evilly about their plan to enroll Edward in the most vigorous workout of his life.

“That forged note that you so perfectly wrote was ingenious.” Hughes praised Mustang.

“I know…and now…we wait to see what their next move will be.” Roy said leaning his head on his crossed arms.

“You mean he’s going to retaliate against that? You practically destroyed him! If he’s smart, Ed would just quit while has the chance...” Hughes remarked doubtfully towards his long-time friend.

“That’s just it…Fullmetal isn’t smart.” Roy said while he gazed at his papers. ‘Damn I got a lot of paperwork to do…’ he thought with disdain. ‘Oh well, I guess I’ll just wait until Edward makes his move…I’m curious to see how he’ll top my prank…’ He thought deviously while starting on the mountains of destroyed trees littered upon his desk.

“What will you do now, Fullmetal?”

END~!

-Herbal Teaa

TBC