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Apparently lots of people can relate to me. This one girl in school, this one girl on here. *sigh*
But it's not that I need someone to relate to, it's that I need answers. *sigh*
Thing is... She says that it doesn't matter how I feel 'cause we're best friends and that won't change. And I believe her 'cause she's known for about a year now. I think more. And she said that she loves me in a certain way, but it's not simple. The example she gave is like saying 雨 = rain but it's too simple, that there's more to it but you have to be able to know what the more is in order to understand. She said a while ago that it probably would happen (us) but if it really would happen, why hasn't it? *sigh*
Maybe it's because she's uncomfortable being with a girl? Or maybe it's because deep down she really does care what her family thinks?
Or maybe it's just because it's me...
I'm not pretty enough or mature enough or something...
I asked her if she would date me if I was a guy and she said "Probably since we're close friends."
._.
I think it's just 'cause it's me... ._.
*sigh* I really don't want her to know this stuff by reading it, I want to tell her some day... But I don't think that that will ever happen. Every time I try to talk to her about something, she either can't or I forget about it or we're having too much fun together.
You wanna know how important she is to me?
I hate, hate even the thought of dying and I'd die for her. No one else would I do that for. Just seeing her I get so happy. If she's upset because of someone I want to punch the s**t outta that person because they hurt her. Even if she says it's not a big deal. If I even so much as hear something bad about her I get so mad,
"How dare they talk about her like that. They don't know her."
But they don't know you like I know you
They don't know you at all
I've always wanted to tell her why I choose the song "The Last Night" to be put in there with my latest love confession.
I'm guessing since she's prob reading this I can tell her now...
You come to me with scars on your wrists
You tell me this will be the last night of feeling like this
I just came to say "good-bye"
I didn't want you to see my crying
I'm fine
But I know that's a lie
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know I'm everything you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm every where you need me to be
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you
They don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say "It's just a phase you'll be ok. You're fine."
But I know it's a lie
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know I'm everything you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm every where you need me to be
The night is long when everything's wrong and if you give me your hand I will help you hold on.
Tonight, tonight
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know I'm everything you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm every where you need me to be
I won't let you say "good-bye"
And I'll be your reason why
The last night away from me
Away from me
Well then again, I think it's partially self explanatory. To be honest, I've always thought that this song was ours, even before I knew I loved her. For some reason, though, after a little while of singing this song, I subconsciously replaced the "know" with "love" and that put up a bit of a flag 'cause this was before I knew. And then after I found out I loved her, I understood why I replaced those words.
I know what love really is and I know this is it, this is not just some crush. If it was, why would my heart ache for her, why would I get so upset when she was upset, why I feel like this around her just by having her presence there? I can deal with all of her faults, I love everything about her, I know it's not a crush I know it's real.
I'm just inside a young person's body with the experiences and knowledge of an older person.
*sigh* Maybe I'm just not giving anything enough time...
Maybe I'm just being impatient...
But... If you something like "probably we will" then yea, I'll get my hopes up, even if it burns me later.
It's 'cause it's me... Or she likes someone else and she's trying to do that "softly let them down" thing... She's done it before with other people, why not me?
._.
I wonder how she'd react if I suddenly became lovey and stuff towards her.
"Ew, what's your problem, get off a me~" *said jokingly or while laughing*
"Neu~" *still smothering her*
Haha... Yea, it's happened before, only I wasn't smothering her.
Wonder what she would do if I went in to kiss her?
Last time that happened, she dodged their kiss and so it ended up on her cheek.
I do wonder...
Maybe...
Maybe if I'm the one being lovey, she'll be ok with it and return it...?
She is kinda shy... So cute. ^ω^
Maybe if I do that...
^ω^
See? Writing things out is a good thing. Especially when I'm sad 'cause eventually I'll write my entire mind out of bad or emo things and then some where I'll find a good thing or idea.
Thanks for listening to me computer~ heart And for reading people~ heart
I just needed to clear my mind~
So now the question is...
How in the [********] am I going to get enough courage to do anything?!
~ heart Nya
 Hhymn · Wed Nov 04, 2009 @ 05:58pm · 0 Comments |
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