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My bf's grandma gave me two new orchids for my collection on thursday. They were in pretty bad shape and everything, with their roots decaying and mold in the entire pot. I had to do an instant rescue mission and now I'm afraid they're not gonna make it. That would be awful. I'd be the loser of the century if these plants died.

So we got some moss today to put around their healthy roots. It's supposed to supply them with water all day long so I wouldn't have to spray the plants all the time. I so hope they're gonna make it through!

And then there's my boyfriend. And the s**t I'm going through with him. I mean, am I just that much of an attention whore or would anybody get their feelings hurt when the love of their life always acts like he doesn't know them in public and rather goes off having fun with friends on the weekends instead of spending what little time there is anyways with them. I think I'm really selfish for saying this, but I hate how he's been treating me lately. Things used to be better, but not right now. HOW the ******** can he tell his friend for sure that they're going to this party and AFTER THAT tell me he'd call after whatever he was doing before the party and tell me if he'd come home or not. Guess he really doesn't give a s**t about the fact that on top of the weekdays, I now have to spend the weeksends without him, too. I really wanna die right now. It's so painful! And I trusted him with everything since he really wanted me to, I never thought twice about the things he told me. And now he's leaving me alone again! I really wonder if moving here was the right choice, because right now it just feels like my heart's being ripped out and like I really should not be here. It's no use confronting him with that though. I always do, and he always promises to change, he did just a couple of hours ago! And now he's leaving me here to rot once again! Maybe I really should look for someone new. Maybe he would learn his lesson that way. Or maybe not. I really don't want to break his heart like he always breaks mine, so... It would be no use. I just wished I wasn't alive right now. I don't even want to start imagining what kind of fun he's having at that stupid party. A while back he told me he totally wasn't going, then it was maybe, and now he's there. I don't get it! It's like he doesn't want to spend time with me at all! How's a girl supposed to be happy that way? I put on a smile so often when he gets home just to make him feel welcome and comfortable. I hate this place! I wished we had never met! I don't think I can take it. It's like all he cares about is entertainment and having as many events at the same time as possible. I wished I'd never met him. At least that way I might have ended up with a better guy or I'd still be single and enjoy myself. Instead, I'm spending the days on the computer, the nights next to a person that used to love me who is now always busy doing something else. Be it a website or some retarded operation with the paramedics. I mean, I GET all that. It's DUTY. I can accept that! But then he just runs off on me like that. He could be home now but he chose not to. He chose this idiot party he was laughing about the other day over being with me, and this freaking hurts. He'd better bring home some flowers to make up for that! But he won't.