Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

The more I think about him the more I get pissed off. *sigh*....well this is what I get for being so desperate. I can't help it. I get lonely. I have to be honest to myself. I always forget that!! I'm so obsessed with always telling the truth 100% of the time with other people that I forget I need to do that to myself. I didn't like him, but asked him out. Hell, I didn't even really know him. We met once or twice, and maybe talked to him through Hargirl's phone....and I thought "well, he's nice and interesting". Guys are jerks now.

He creates a wound, then puts on a band-aid and thinks it's ok. It's not. (Of course, I'm saying this figuratively, not literally). Like today when I was going to class I was walking with him and out of the blue he says "you look like a whore". Then after a pause says "but you look pretty". Or yesterday when he said "You're really awkward". I know I'm shy, but at least I'm trying. If that wasn't annoying enough he goes and says "love youuu". He wants huge *all* the time.

What a failed attempt...I guess I'm trying to force myself to forget about Anthony. It's been almost a year now. It's not that I'm feeling sorry for myself, nor trying to find redemption. My redemption was learning the hard way why not to lie, and my honesty now. It's just that...I miss him. Every "I love you" was true. He's probably changed, and to a point where he's not even the same person. I'm in love with a memory. Because of this, I cannot move on. I can't replace him, because everything I'm looking for is someone like him. But there's only one person like him- and that's Anthony himself. I'm not afraid to say it, and I'll say it a million times....I love Anthony I love Anthony I love Anthony. He'll never read it anyway. Actually, I bet only strangers will read this, or random people wanting a tidbit on my life. Everyday I still think of him. Just as much as when I did talk to him. I wonder where I'll be a year from now.

I wonder if my life will be like Romeo and Juliet or something. I may say "Rosalind" now but maybe someday I will say "Juliet". Or maybe Anthony was my Juliet....cause I almost commited suicide...well, who knows