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Growing up happens so fast... With the snap of your fingers. Just like that.

It feels weird being back at my parents' house after spending two weeks with my sweetie in our apartment. All the arguing, the occasional crying that happened way too often, cooking for only the two of us, falling asleep in his arms. There are many things I'm missing.

But the past two weeks were very important for both of us. It's not easy when you suddenly get to know the not-so-great side of your partner, but I'm kinda hard to deal with. I cried a lot. From frustration, because I was alone or because we were fighting. But in the end... it was a good time. We got a lot done. And I was able to get a new cactus for my collection.

Now you might be wondering why I'm not with him. I'm back at my parents' house, and he's not here. He left for Zwönitz without me because I still have to pack my stuff - all the dried roses dangling from my ceiling, my comp, my clothes, all this makeup crap and the lotions, shampoos - and have daddy bring me along with all that back to my darling. Like, probably this Saturday. I'm excited. Part of my family will get to see my apartment and the beautiful landscape the village is set in. I know they'll love it just as much as I do. It makes me so happy to finally be able to show them a place that's been important to me. After all, they never had a chance to go to Oklahoma, and they might never get there. That chapter was written without them, and even though I'd love to show them around, it will most likely never happen.

BUT! After those two and a half years that I've been with Thomas, they'll finally get to see the place! biggrin It's just one very short visit, but it means a lot to me. We'll get up in the morning, get in the car and drive all the way down there. My sweetie usually makes it there in about two and a half hours - at 240 km/h (150 MPH) on the Autobahn - so I'm guessing it'll take us three hours at the very least. But more like four. My dad's car ain't the fastest, after all. Technically, it's a van. An 18-year-old van. So yeah... When we get there, we'll all get my stuff up to the fourth floor (no elevator, dangit!) and then have a look at the place. I'm guessing they'll stay for maybe two hours tops, while I cook 'em something for lunch. They'll eat, and then go back home.

Good thing my boyfriend won't be there when my family trashes the place. ^^ It would mean the end of him, seriously. He'll be with the paramedics to secure this motorbike race thingie. It's actually one of the most important races across Europe, so there are thousands of people there. So like, when those fans get drunk and fall into a pile of broken glass and stuff, they're there to tend to those peoples' injuries. Or even call the ambulance and safely get them to the hospital. This event is always a source of bad injuries though. Thomas and his comrades also help out the drivers who fall off their bikes during the race. It's a very stressful job. During the day they have to help the drivers, at night they have to help the drunken fans. He'll only get about three hours of sleep each night. Sleep in a brightly lit tent, right next to the friggin main stage on the campsite where they party all night long. Good thing he got himself those extra-silent earplugs. I soooo hope they'll work for him. Oh he better not get his arms soar today and tomorrow while he's doing stuff in our apartment before the race starts. God... I miss him. He makes me so mad sometimes, but he's still such an angel. I want a hug so bad right now... sad

And all my plans are shattered again. Well, except for one. It was tough, BUT I SO MADE IT!!! I made a perfect score on all of my final exams. I have all As on my diploma. I FREAKIN DID WELL ONCE IN A LIFETIME!!! I couldn't believe it when they called my name in front of all those people. I was so proud when I stood there on that stage. I made it, and I did very well. Better than anyone else (except for that one girl who got a perfect diploma too, but I rather like her, so it's okay). I really fought my battles for this piece of paper, I scratched and tore through, and God knows it wasn't always easy. But the reward was so worth it all. And my boyfriend was wearing a tux, smiling at me. It was worth it. That's all I really care about.

But other than that... All the things I wanted to become... All those job applications... They all returned. That one interview didn't get me the job either. Is that destiny? Am I destined to go to college? I don't know if I want to, after all. I'm so very confused about my future. There's no clear path in front of me, and knowing that makes me uncomfortable. But then again I got past the point of "everything's hopeless". I was there the end of May, when we almost broke up. I'm so glad we didn't. Tough times...

But at least now I have something to look forward to. Living with my sweetheart isn't always easy, but it makes me feel so different about myself. I'm growing up, no matter if I want to or not. And somehow I rather like the responsibility that comes with it. Not ready for anything big yet, like marriage or even having kids. Managing life is tough as it is. But I'm getting better, little by little. It makes me smile and cry at the same time, how weird...