Monday, May 18th 2009
~Inner hearts of Nobodys~
Today was a normal day, a day filled with its predictable boredom and also its unpredicted quirkyness. A day, just like any other while looking in from the outside. However, I guess thats what makes this storry amazing- that even in the most average of days you can still lead you on an unexpected journey~
I sat quietly in my desk, third row from the right-frount seat. The same place I sit everyday at third period. To be honest this was one of my least favorite classes, but a hurdle I had to overcome either way. I kept to my usual act of silence towards everyone in the class. As far as I was concerned they were no more then inatamate objects. decoration for the world, And I had nothing in the world I wanted to say to them. This was how I veiwed most people. No mater what they looked like, who thery were, or what their personallitys entailed.
Over the years I have learned many things about people. About their actions and why they are compelled to see them through. And if i've learned anything at all from these meager "decorationas" it is that you can never fully understand them. I have spent many hours staring at people as they walk by. Many wasted moments trying to relate. Now I finally understand that people arent ment to understand each other. That each persons mind is their own little world, and their is no portal, no door, no key, into another.
Now I bet your wondering what this has to do with anything, right? I bet your thinking that have a somber attitude toward people, and that I generally dont like them. Well if thats what you thought, then you'd be right. And why is that important to know? Well.....lets play a little game shall we? By the end of this journal i want you, dear reader, to undestand the importance of this little tidbit of information. If you can find the importance I assure you it will make 100% sence. On the flip side, if you dont understand you should stop reading all together.
Now then... where was I....
Oh yes, I was sitting in my third period class staring at the white-board. I really had nothing to think about, but i was finished with my work so didn't have much else to to anyway. Normal people in my class talk amonst themseves, and dont pay any attention to me. Which is why it struck me as odd when a boy in my class started to talk to me.
smile "Hey, why dont you ever talk?" he asked in an unserious almost mocking tone.
I had over heard some of the boys sitting next to me asking each other if they knew hoe to finish the assignment we had been given. They all, of course, had forgoten because they were to busy talking during the teachers lecture. One of the boys,Troy, sugjested they ask me for instructions on the assignment, most likely because i was allready done. Another boy, Miguel, made the comment:
talk2hand "why bother? she wont answer you anyway."
Personally i was offended. Not by the assumption that i would not answer, but by the lack of courtisy that they lacked for other people. I was taught to never speak of someone illy without addressing them personally. I was shocked at their complete lack of values. And i took out my ipod to try to drown out their constant and inconsiderate noise.
Mid-way through my first song the boy, Devon was his name, asked me "why dont you ever talk?" I thought this was a stupid question of course, and tryied to look like the music was to loud to hear him. My classic evasive manuever. (P.s. sorry for the horrible spelling, its late at night and i haven't had a proper meal in a long time....so try your best to figure out the words. again, sorry)
confused "Hey, you cant just ask her that." Troy said.
razz "*laughing* Yeah, you can tell she doesn't like you!" Miguel said "she isn't going to answer you if you ask her like that anyway"
" mad Hey, i just want to know. She must have a reason" Devon said to the others smile "So why dont you ever talk?" He said to me while tapping my shoulder to get my attention.
Ughh, it looks lke he wasn't going to give up. I considered just ignoring him, but I also didn't want to prove their theorys about me to be true.
I slowly pulled the ear-buds from my ears and turned to him and said:
stare " If you really must know, i dont talk because i see no need to waste my breath on idiots like you, or your little freinds over there" I pointed my head in the direction of Miguel in particular " And maybe, instead of you asking me why i DONT talk- you should ask yourself why it is that you feel the need to talk so much."
I felt pretty good after saying that, even though I was well aware of how rude it sounded. It didn't really matter all that much to me though, they deserved it after mocking me.
Devon looked at me with a dazed face. I think he expected me to say something like " I dont know" or something along those lines. They other boys just about died laughing.
xd "devon got served!"
cool "ohh, burn!"
lol " Ha Ha HA!" were the comment coming from the other boys.
scream "Stut up, she called you guys idiots too!" Devon exclaimed.
stare "So, do you have anything else you want to ask me?" I said in a sarcastic tone. He made a stupified face and then an obviously angry one.
evil "No. forget it. I was just asking a question, geez." Devon said angrily. It followed with a few muted curse words directed towards me and his freinds who were still giggling despite being called idiots.
J ust moments after that the bell rang to go to 4th period. I must say the timing was perfect. wink
I started to get up from my seat and collect my things when another boy Kale, one I hadn't noticed because he sits a few seats behind me, came up to me and said:
sweatdrop "Hey, ummmm....well I just wanted to say that I think it was cool how you stood up for yourself back there....I mean those guys are total jerks...."He was obviously a little nervous about talking to me because he couldn't really find the words he wanted to say. His eyebrows were furowed and he looked down at his feet from time to time. Honestly, i hardly ever heard him talk in class. I let out a small smirk at his cute embarassed expresion.
sweatdrop "uhhh... well... dont let them get to you, ya know?" He sounded more nrevous then before, so i figured he must have seen my litlle smile...
confused "They are really rude, I mean you've never done anything to them. they should learn some respect towards women...what with the vulgar comments and all..." He was referring to what Devon had called me under his breath.
sweatdrop "So...uhh...." He was struggling for conversation, or for an answer on my part. I hadn't really noticed that I didn't say anything to him the entire time.
redface "Thank you....Kale. That is very considerate of you..." I must have souned a little uninterested, because he had a very forlorn face on after i said that. He may have thought I was trying to get him to leave. Of course that was not how I really felt...
sweatdrop "Well....uhhh.... I should be going now....class' ya know? he said sadly
neutral "Yes..." I was so horrible with words. I should have told him some thing else. Anything would have been better than "yes". I mean really! It was rare for me to feel the need to use more words with someone, but here it happened. I really wanted to tell him thank you. I really wanted to tell him that i thought he was amazing for trying to defend my actions. I really wanted to show him that he existed. That I didn't think he was a nobody that I didn't care about...I didn't want him to leave without hearing what I really was thinking.
redface "Kale...?" I said quickly before he walked out the door.
neutral "Yes...?" he said sheepishly
"Ummm....I know its not your place to worry about me. Or...what other people think of me...But....ummm... thank you. I really do apreciate your concern...Because i know that you have better things to do then worry about me...and....uh... I respect that...alot." There! I said it! though I will admit that it was far from what I really wanted to say. But I think it got the point across because he smiled and said:
"Your worth worrying about."
I was shocked. Never had I heard a stranger,or someone I hardly knew at least, tell me I was worth anything. Never had I experianced the joy of seeing a truly genuine smile. Never had I seen with my own eyes the impact 4 simple words could have. "Your worth worrying about"
Never had I dreamed I would ever understand why people said the things they did. And I most certainly never thought that I would ever consider the "decorations" I saw everyday to be something to cherrish.
It was then that I realized that it takes a class full of idiots to find even one person worthy of sharing your words. I thnk I realized for the first time in a long time that the first step to understanding people is giving them the chance to understand you.
wink "See you tomorrow?" Kale said as he pushed opened the door with his back, keeping his eyes focused on me.
3nodding "Of course." I said with a small grin. A grin that i hadn't shown anyone in
so long...
I picked up my folder and purse and when I looked up again at the door he was gone. He was most likely running to his next class. I noticed as I opened the door and walked out that my teacher gave a little chuckle.
I had forgotten he was even there! sweatdrop Well...good thing I had lunch after 3rd period, or I would have been late too....
I walked down the now empty halls to the lunch area with my hands folded across my binder and my eyes focused on my feet. And as I walked alone to the lunch area, I still had that grin.
I walked slowly, thinking to myself all the types of people I had seen today. Thinking of all the people that I consider to be inatamate objects and of the person I realized was a little more than I thought.
and I said to myself:
"How strange...the inner hearts of nobodys."
