Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

So um. . . yea. Lately everything seems to make me upset or emotional in some way or another. Usually I'm told it's my fault. . . Maybe I should just accept the fact that it usually is.
I don't know how to react to different situations anymore. My two best friends don't get along like they used to and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to sit back and just watch a great friendship come crashing to the ground. . . . but I don't want to interject and assume it's my business either.
I wish I could just curl up into a little ball and die quietly until everything was fixed and happy. . .
I don't feel like dealing with things right now. I want to sink into a hole and make sure no one misses me. Then I will be content.
I feel. . . guilty for acting like this when there's people with less than I have. That doesn't make me feel any better though. It just reminds me of how cruel the world is. Why should it make me feel better? Telling myself that I'm higher than someone else is supposed to be satisfying?
I don't like being in these moods because things that I normally care alot about don't seem to mean anything.
Invisible Children: Why do we think we can help them now? Sounds like everyone is just doomed to me. It's just a fad and it will blow over and y'know what happens to the kids? They die.
My friends: They don't need me. They're probably better off without me. All I've ever done for them is ridicule them and hold them back. They don't deserve that and I don't deserve them.

I don't like talking down on myself but I feel like I have no way of cheering myself up. >.<
AUGH!!! WHAT THE ******** IS WRONG WITH ME?! crying

I don't know why I should cry. . . that doesn't fix anything either. I'm just throwing myself a goddamn pitty party which I'm going to regret later and then I'll continue to beat myself up for no reason. That's how a majority of my nights go. . . *sigh* Oh well. Guess there's no way out of it and I should suck it up.



. . . . . GOD! I WANT TO SCREAM AND HIT SOMETHING AND MAYBE HURT MYSELF IN THE PROCESS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I DESERVE IT!!!!
I'm so frustrated with myself. crying