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I Confess ..
Dear Mind,
I'm going to start using this more, as it seems my only meager means of having what little contact I have with my fellow gaians as of now.
I don't have much to say, life is pretty tragic as I feel I'm losing everything I cherished whole heartidly at some point in my life. Little chunks being etched away like chalk on the sidewalk in a rain storm.
My job seems empty and meaningless now. I have yet to spend the money I've made on me... It's all just piling in the bank, I guess you could call it a good thing. Saving for a rainy day, but rainy days have come and gone and I still can't find meaning in spending this money. I gave some large sum of money to my parents, and some to my brother.. It had no better use anyway.
It's so hard to wake up in the morning, when the light that used to wake me is fading.
I don't see much of my friends anymore, and when I do ... we are so detachted. I don't know them anymore, and they certainly don't know me. It's funny to look at someone you used to know like the back of your hand and not now recognize them.. truely.. funny.
I have changed, I wouldn't say I have evolved as I don't feel I have moved forward. Perhaps some crude mutation of who I once was..
My Grandpa is dieing... well I guess you could say we are all dieing, but what I mean to say is he is days away from his death. This makes me deeply upset. My Grandpa for the last few years I have not been able to see, as they live a days drive away. My mother since getting sick, has not been able to drive in a car for that long. So obviously, Visiting was few and far between. I can't say that my heart will be as sad as when my Nan passed though, Nan was something very special. Though, my heart will still be sad because I used to visit him and grandmum all the time before they moved away to Elliot Lake.
and my confession, as I will make it a habit to do at the end of every of my new journals..
I miss the person I was little more than a month ago. Even if that person was a in fact a terrible person. I was in a dream, and can't believe I thought even for a moment I could deserve something so beautiful. How can I get better, once I've had and lost the best?
Sincerely,
Sabrina
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Community Member
I'm so sorry things aren't so good right now. I really am. I wish I could do more for you; or say the right things; but I've never really been the kind of person who can do any of that right. I'm sorry to hear about your Grandpa. ): I know how you feel. </3
This past summer was devastating for me. First, I lost my dog, and then my uncle; and two family friends; and then my year old cat.
I felt the way you do for the longest time. But things DO get better. I promise you.
I want you to know that I'm here whenever you want or need to talk. You know you're loved; right? <3