Dear Journal,
So my plan of coming home and relaxing never happened, my uncle ended up practically kidnapping me for the day lol. Went over and saw aunt Wendy, and David and Adam.. and Adams girlfriend was there too, she's nice.
[rant]
Still, I would have rathered went home to be by myself, because that's the kind of mood I've been in lately.. I'd much rather be alone, and that scares me because I used to be one of those social butterfly types.
I've become reclusive and emotionally blank. Simon seems to be terribly worried, I told him it was probably just a phase and I'd get over it soon. I lied. The worrying about myself went away a month ago.. The wanting to be social went away a month ago.. and the want to feel noticed went away a month ago. In its place I must have shoved this dreery lonely feeling of wanting to be a hermit. I'm better off this way, the way I see it. I'm tired of loved ones dieing, and the ache and hurt that follows it. If I do not love.. I will not get hurt.. plain and simple. I came to this conclusion with out even knowing it though, as I realized just this week that I had shoved everyone I cared about away in some desperate attempt to feel free from my distress. It didn't work, and now I'm left to wollow in my depression alone. Yes ,I have my simon, whom I'm very thankful for.. but he can't always be here with me. When I go to work, when I wake up.... Sleeping is the worst though. No wonder I'm so tired all the time. To actually dread going to bed, it's a terrible feeling.
[/rant]
So.. I forcibly went to my uncles, thats why I wasn't online yesterday. =.=;
I miss being creative, I used to love taking photo's and manipulating them into stuff. It was fun and I truely enjoyed it... so when did I lose myself?
Sincerely,
Sabrina
Community Member
Can't get rid of me, love. x)