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I have been on Gaia for about a year and 6 months. I've only been active on this site for the past three months, due to a series of events that I've been involved in.

The only reason I'm writing ths is I want to remember in years how I feel right now. I'm a happier person than I've ever been thanks to some wonderful people. And if I do what I need to, then I would hate to feel like I've forsaken everybody I owe so much to.

I found the Secret Santa thread in late November. I was so close to saying that I wasn't going to do it. I was leaaving Gaia, a site I merely used for a time waster and a distraction from real life junk. I remember clicking the link in someone's signature and being so confused as to what was going on. People were being friends in a forum?! My experiences were not the best in forums and I got to a point where I didn't say anything anymore. The look of the thread I was in, I truly thought that it was an event for friends only. I left the thread and returned several times, until I got the courage to post. I would be giving 4 gifts of a 10-25k value. I left that day wondering what I had just gotten myself into.

That thread was generally forgotten as I searched for an endeavor on this site before I left for good. Eventually, I for some reason, returned to the thread to ask a question about an outift change. Oh wow, it's crazy to think now how easily I got sucked into that group. The people there were so charismatic, kind, and just down right random that you couldn't help but to talk to them.

The regulars were BlueAltitude(the creator of the thread), Bedtime-Villain-Warrior, and -Rainbow Piggies-. I owe the three of them so much it's ridiculous. A small group of pixels is nowhere near what I feel necessary to return to them in the end. Thankfully, i have able to mildly pay them back with my services as a Professional listener and talker and distraction. The day I was asked to be an Elf (a mod of the thread), I'm embarrassed to say that I cried. I coudln't believe it, even if it really didn't mean anything. I've always been an outcast, so to feel accepted...it was one I'd never felt. I was sure I'd turn it down. I had the words "No thank you" typed in the PM box. Obviously, my worst judgement came through.

Then the spotlight hit. I honestly had no idea so many people listened to those stupid announcements on the weekend. I was blown away and stayed away from the thread for a good while. But the insanity didn't blow away like I thought. So I earned the courage to begin to converse with people, and "do my job" so to speak. One of the best mistakes of my life ^_^ No one has any idea the joy that I have gotten from the people I am now able to call my friends. How mad to think how close I was to not doing it. Why in the world would someone send 277 PMs total in an event?! gonk Well, I'm that fool, I suppose. smile I like to help, apparently.

ABing began for me on a birthday. I gave a gift, but I was testing out the Anonymous feature. That first time, I got in trouble for it. I won't go into details, because I know I'll get in trouble for bringing it up again, but that was nearly the end of my AB days...obviously, that was not the case ^^ The spazzing that people have when they get something from their wis- actually, when people get things in general. I know the feeling. The "OMG, someone thought of ME enough to get me something?!" feeling? But truly and being completely honest, I would by far much rather get the "OMG, look how happy they are. Did I seriously assist in that?!" feeling. heart

Since then, things have been hectic. I [tried to wink ] help with two major real life endeavors of a dear friend, met so many absolutely wonderful people, heard the most wide range of problems that a person possibly could and yet enjoyed every instant of it, and haven't sent a single PM for an event since. Thank you soo much for that, Blue! heart

Now I'm involved with the Summer Splash. And being part of a third event, I realized I've changed as a person. Not only am I happier and a brighter person than I've ever been, but I also have gotten used to the fact that people feel that they can talk to me. That's amazing. People seriously think that they can come to me with anything! And that's really the way that I want it. Because, I really am there for you...through some recent events, I've seen that you can't really trust anyone [overstated issue, so no details again ^_^'' sry]. But I always stress that you can trust me with anything. And I think that people are maybe possibly starting to believe me...?

Now comes to the thing that's difficult for me. I'm losing my real life friends and I'm not getting my stuff done. I truly worry for my sanity at times and I'm not sure what to make of it. A large part of me feels that...I must take leave of my new home, a place I feel that I can possibly belong. *sigh* But I feel that if I leave, I will lose everything I've gained within the last few months. And that scares me. But, if it does happen, I suppose that there's nothing I can do. So if when of these days, I decide to go Hiatus, I will have this to remember the wonderful times I've had, and also a way of thanking the absolutely tremendous people that I've come into contact with. So as my homage, allow me to type everyone that I owe so much to:

This will be posted within another journal! XD