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I don't understand myself anymore. i get hurt with little things...so I don't like making things important to me....yet i think that hurts me more. And i continue to do that, because i've learned... all the things i love... leave eventually...

Maybe I'm silly, but if you walk ahead of me, i will run after you and hold your arm...i'm scared of being left behind...
but sometimes i let you walk ahead...even if it makes me sad...because i don't want to get to close...and have you leave me in the end anyway.

i can't remember that well...i think it's because i don't like remembering....especially the things that hurt me... i've forgotten things i wish i hadn't... i don't remember any friends from middle school or elementary...just one...but he left me too.
i've seen a few of them...and it makes me sad. They'll see mi and say "Hi, i haven't seen you for awhile" and i can't remember ...i'll say "Have we met before?" and they'll make the oddest of faces.

I don't understand...where have i been? Even my little cousin...i remember picking her up from elementary school...and now she's my underclassmen in high school...where was i?
I think i haven't been here for awhile, like i locked myself in my head...thinking.

And thats all i can remember...my thoughts. When i was younger...i used to wonder why i couldn't smile with the same sincerity as others...why i didn't act like my classmates...back in elementary, it seems like i sacrificed all my time for others. When ever someone got in trouble...i would tell the teacher "it's my fault, i'll stay here instead." and since i was good at deceiving...the teachers punished me instead. And even though i didn't mind...i hated everyone of my classmates.
And they all hated me the same...i was strange to them...all i wanted to do all day was look for four leaf clovers...guess i believed they would give me good luck someday... the boys where friendlier then the girls. When ever i got pranks played on me...they would help me...like carrying me to the nurse or giving me bandages.

back then...i wanted nothing more then never to wake up again...life was boring.

and then i got lost in middle school...i don't remember anything. Sebastian tried to help me...he was my first friend...but i only had him for one year...then he disappeared...it made me sad...back then, whenever someone was gone for a long time...i used to think they died.

i wanted my childhood back...i wanted my time back...thats all i remember before i left.
why do days go by so slowly...why does life take so long to live...why do i think like this...what is their to human life...why do they all seem the same...i want to be happy...from the bottom of my heart...is that wrong?