i had this tremendously amazing thought. well okay not really but what the hell... im gonna tell you about it anyway. and hopefully someone will get something out of my wise words.
today was pretty bad. charlie is gone. he moved. another father person gone. jsut like mister johnson.. sept mr.johnson died. and charlies not dead. jsut gone. my mother had said how she wasn't going to miss him. how she was going to be grateful when he left. but this mornign proved that you can say it all you want and still get hit in the face twice as bad. she was so depressed she didn't want to get out of bed. she cried a little to.
so i went to school feeling depressed and confused. because the other day i did something that i don't know if i should have done. and what the effect of it will be.. i jsut don't know.
well my friends surrounded me. just like usuall. dang zach and his obnocisous observant ness........... and thankfully i didn't cry. which is what i felt like doing. specially with zach asking questions. but i see again how much my friends love me. so i finally got a moment to escape that group to get to another. cause i couldn't take being surrounded by that much happieness all at once. so i was walking up the sidewalk to the front of the school were they are. and i look down and see the most beautifull carnation i have ever seen. it was small. white.. with fire tiped edges of red. the red was literally all fire shaped. i had to pick it up. im a dork. but the whole day i've been thinking about it now.
things can be lovely. i have the crappiest most screwed up life on the planet. and its verified lol. im sick of life really. its utterly terrible. i have done so many stupid things. ******** up people. been ******** up by people. and hurt some things that wont ever be the same. and now to make it worse my mother wants to tear me away from my life. *(explained in the journal before this) and charlie just left. he had made me a promise. so many people have made me promises now. but charlie left..........hes basically the only one who won't critize me for everything. and hes gone.
but there always is that flower. that one stupid flower in a world of black and white that shouts at you and says that you do have something to do for someone. or you mean something to others. that you do have a perpose. even if it is just to look pretty like a flower... i hate that my life is sickening and destable. but what the hell. i am something for someone. or i will be. i can be a flower on the side walk till someone decides they can't pass me.
 twilight_raven919 · Wed Feb 04, 2009 @ 10:49pm · 4 Comments |
