yay because my killersy came back to me!!!!!!!! im so terribly happy about that. i thought it wouldn't happen and she was gone for good. but i was wrong. i think she expected it to be harder than what happened but i forgave her as soon as she said "soo.... i missed you" that was it.. i love her to pieces and can't be mad at her and was never mad at her in the first place. and i absolutely am never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever....ect..... getting rid of that panda skelanimal.
no because my mom is still planning on tearing me away from everything i have ever loved in my life because she wants to be a freakin teacher on and indian reservation in the middle of no where. sounds like a great place to bring up her two youngest kids doesn't it.. and its not like there are any jobs open down there either. everything is being cut with economics anyway.
but im seriously ticked because i jsut found the one guy who was the perfect personality the perfect set of mind (and i am going to be terribly embarrassed if he reads this.. even though. i think i have told him most of this already.) hes the only one that can make me feel comfortable about saying this kind of thing. hes the only one that is to scared to hurt anyone. hes the most honorable guy i have pretty much ever met. and i even think my mother would approve of him. the one guy i finally want to be with terribly and am actually willing to wait for just so he can take his time and decide so he will be happy. (i don't feel that way about guys very often. fyi. usually i just go for it if i want it. but this time i want him to be happy)
i have friends who love me here. and i love them. and i kinda have to have them or i will be nothing. and my mother wants to tear me away from it all. just because she doesn't really have anything else to be here for. even though both her kids finally have a life here to live for.
this is the first time my brother luke has had friends. like actual for real friends. and he finally jsut came out of his emo shell at school. and she wants to move him to a place were nothing is the same.. and people are raceis. there are no friends. and im the only one he can go to. yes i have an extremely great bond with my little brother.. but still.. i can not promise i will be around much for him when we move. and i most certainly wont' be around that place for long. but i am planning on takeing him with me when i leave..
i just want to run. seriously i have been thinking suicidle for some time now. but i promised a friend of mine..*cough cough. kita cough cough* that if i was going to go suicidle i would die with her. because she needs me to. and another person keeps smackin me around with my own words. which is amusing actually. because hes right of course... because they were my words in the first place. "if you kill yourself you know you are taking the easy way out and you know you have never taken the easy way before" which is true.. ihaven't. lol. my thing is. "fight back as hard as you possibly can and beat the crap out of anyone who hurts you, and fight for what you love and believe, and don't let some stupid fool try to change you." fight fight fight.. thats what i do. i don't give up. so its depressing that i've been thinking about it for a while.
i hate it that she doesn't care. but what can i do.. oh wait.. i just anwsered my own question....
fight... i will fight. with everything i have. for everything i have. for everyone i love. for my little brother who needs me. for the people i want to be with. who i need to be with. for the ones who need me. for myself. its an oath now. signed in blood
Primus apud pecctores
primus apud afflictos
First among sinners
First among suffers
The greatest thrill is not to kill... but to let live.
sometimes..................
NIghtRose hunter.
 twilight_raven919 · Sat Jan 31, 2009 @ 12:01am · 3 Comments |
