I'm feeling paranoid again. I'm ******** losing it. What the hell is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Why do I feel like a secret meant to be kept hidden?
I'm going crazy again, I can tell because my chest is acting up again. I'm fearful of the worst to happen. Few times these past few days I've felt the strangle against my insides, and I nearly panicked every time. Just when I think I'm making something of myself, people around me don't know my insides. My insides want to come out, but it's gonna go through me before that happens.
I'm sad. Why? I don't want to be like this. I hate being like this, and I wish I could be happy. I've tried everything that I could to be happy and when everyone's gone to do their own things, I realize that I'm actually sad. I really want to be optimistic, but the glass is always kept half empty.
I wish there was a way for me to inevitably be happy now. I dream that tomorrow will store happiness in me, but I wish happiness will be in me today. I am paranoid beyond belief, and I think it is something in my head that is distorted.
I truly believe that I am mentally challenged. I talk to myself sadistically and sarcastically when I am alone and nervous. I can't sit still because my body wanders to mimic my undetermined understanding of what is my reality. I look at the clock every half minutes for as long as I'm awake. I always have to have a clock with me otherwise I'd be even more lost. I have to know where is north.
I'm legitimately ******** down and I need an up.
+Bloodys Corpse+ Community Member 
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