I am distancing myself from people. I know I'm doing it and I'm not really gonna change it either. I stopped telling people that I love them. It just doesn't feel right to say it anymore, it's nearly difficult for me to say it.
I'm tired of being dependent on people for anything - comfort, support, and love. It's all temporary and I know it. The only people I could fathom shedding watery bullets on my behalf is my mother and brother. I've drawn a line between them and the rest of the people on this earth.
I know that no one will stick around forever and everything I feel will forever remain one-sided. Always. It's plainly easier to stop tripping over myself when it comes to having high expectations from friends, no matter how close.
Recently, going to sleep has been difficult, especially on school days. On weekends, I stay up until I get tired and sleep a good 10 hours but on school days, I force myself to sleep and think. That ruins me. I cuddle with my red teddy bear (V-Day present from my mom) because all my pillows are freaking gross and stare onto the empty bed across from me. I cry nearly every night. Life just 'aint fair.
Then, I listen to the radio, I leave it on classical music and sometimes the radio people talk about world events. It's interesting.
I fall asleep. Sometimes I don't think I dream. I consider sleeping a nice little blackout until I wake up because I don't dream.
School is my happiness. I have friends there and I'm good at the work. Plus, since I like poems, I am planning to submit one to the school's writing contest. >_<;
Oh dear, this is quite lengthy. *sigh* And no one is going to read it...Whoo effing hoo.
I'm tired of being dependent on people for anything - comfort, support, and love. It's all temporary and I know it. The only people I could fathom shedding watery bullets on my behalf is my mother and brother. I've drawn a line between them and the rest of the people on this earth.
I know that no one will stick around forever and everything I feel will forever remain one-sided. Always. It's plainly easier to stop tripping over myself when it comes to having high expectations from friends, no matter how close.
Recently, going to sleep has been difficult, especially on school days. On weekends, I stay up until I get tired and sleep a good 10 hours but on school days, I force myself to sleep and think. That ruins me. I cuddle with my red teddy bear (V-Day present from my mom) because all my pillows are freaking gross and stare onto the empty bed across from me. I cry nearly every night. Life just 'aint fair.
Then, I listen to the radio, I leave it on classical music and sometimes the radio people talk about world events. It's interesting.
I fall asleep. Sometimes I don't think I dream. I consider sleeping a nice little blackout until I wake up because I don't dream.
School is my happiness. I have friends there and I'm good at the work. Plus, since I like poems, I am planning to submit one to the school's writing contest. >_<;
Oh dear, this is quite lengthy. *sigh* And no one is going to read it...Whoo effing hoo.
Edit. On the Dec. 6th
There's a freakin' reason I don't have best friends. I let people down, people let me down and there will ever be this crack that keeps us from that dear bond. I am losing people that I thought were dear friends because I can't talk to them and they stop talking to me. At least, that is what a few of my very few good friends are doing. It's so frustrating. I feel like I'm losing everyone I care about at once.
I'm starting to think the only person on this earth I can depend on invariably is my mom. At the very least, I have one person but she likes to bring up death a lot. I hate thinking of losing her. It breaks my crooked heart but she doesn't know. I don't let people know things like that. It wouldn't make a difference to how often she'd say it.
Plus, I have been getting these very minor headaches and my mom's working more, which means I'm alone more often. I don't
