Whell, the first day i started, my mom came over, and I ate. And she used to be like me, so if i threw up while she was here, she'd know whut i really was doing.
So day one, I failed.
Day two, Yesterday;
I stayed home from school, I stared my period and felt nauseated really bad (( also becuase of my touch of the flu thing )) So i ate CANDii all day. Then at night my dad cooked a meal for me and my brother. He never does that. But ofcorse he decides to do something different at the worst time possible for me. So i ate it anyhow. I had thought, "I won't eat it when hes done cooking! I'll say i'm not hungry." then its done, and b4 i'm conscious of whut i'm really doing, i was eating it.
Fail, God I'm so ******** fat. I wish i could beat my fat self up and Show myself how obese i really am.
Today!
Fail.
I ate a donut and a half when i woke up at 1PM.
Wow. I want to punch my self in my stomach.
I sopose I could throw up. But i would have to clean to entire bathroom first before i did anything because my brothers took showers and now the whole thing is discusting with a capitol D. Looking at the discusting s**t all over in the sink and floors and on the toilet it could, in itself make me throw up..
And if i tried to throw up, i would have to deal with all of that, so I believe throwing up what i eat is out of the frame, cause my bathroom is so NASTY.
So i will only throw up if i eat-eat a Meal. Even though i should just throw up any thing i eat. Ugh, i hate being in my body.
So anyhow, I ate. And I'm starting tonite.
Nothing for 13 nights this time.
And i decided just now, I won't wuss out of it, if i eat i'll just throw up.
I'm going 13 nightes. Than when i'm done. I'll go 13 days, then 13 nights and so on and forth.
GO HUNGER! >D
 forcing myself 2b social · Tue Nov 11, 2008 @ 09:36pm · 0 Comments |
