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jhk's journal (readers beware......)
hi, im jhk (but you already knew that, right?). well, this journal is about everything.......yes, everything, and that most likely will include you one day. so, see something you dont like? then BEAT IT PUNK!!! (thats right, im talking to you....
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this is the prologue to my were story....just in case you were wondering
Prologue
Ever since I was born, my life went from bad to worse. There was always something to cause me discomfort, or pain. Nothing ever really happened to me physically. No, the pains were always deeper down, striking painfully close to my heart. It was always hard to simply ignore the snide comments about how I was dressed, or how I acted, but as I got older, I learned to pass by these comments. It took me years and years of practice, but I finally got to the spot where I could laugh at my own expense. It still hurt me, but I was so good at repressing pain that I could feel a momentary stab of pain, but then it would all be buried away with everything else. Eventually, I got to the point where I didn’t even realize that people were insulting me, unless it was something really bad. These little breaks helped me to vent some of my emotions, helped me to try and not feel bad.
Try to stay sane.
This happened all of my life: my strange actions when I was little, my strange behavior in school, and my strange look. Even I could tell that I didn’t look like other people. My movements were odd, and jerky. My voice was very low, and raspy. My face was very sharp, and my limbs were awkward when I used them. The only thing that I really like in my life was the outdoors. I loved to camp, and I loved to swim. The only problem was that I was normally too uncoordinated to do the things I loved.
But as I got older, I changed. My movements became lithe, and graceful. My voice became a purr. My face had an almost feline look to it, one that reminded me of a lion or a tiger, only more feral. I got much taller. I had always been skinny, but I gained muscle, the wiry kind. Everyone could see these changes just as well as I could, but that didn’t change their opinion of me. Everyone still remembered my awkwardness from my younger days, and they still thought of me that way. It was so saddening, that even though I gained hope from my new physique, nothing changed at all, and I went spiraling into depression. My last hope had been ruined.
No matter what I did, no matter what I said, nothing changed. It was like I had been an accident of the world, and the world was trying to correct the mistake that was me. I lost all hope in ever finding a place in the world. The only console I found was that my family would not suffer through my depression with me. All those years of practice hiding my emotions helped me. I always did my chores, I always did my best in school, and I worked just as good as ever at work. I just chose to abandon all hope of ever finding one person who could see past everything.
One person who could see who I truly was inside. The true me.
 jayhkayjr · Mon Oct 27, 2008 @ 09:46pm · 1 Comments |
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