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A part of my heart just died.

Again.


In first grade it was Joseph Roetgan. We were inseperable. And then... I moved away. he promised to call everyday. I called him...but he never answered. And he never did call.

In second grade, it was Andi Larson. When I got her the same birthday gift as someone else by accident, she told me she never wanted to talk to me again. And she never did.

In third, it was Sameera Butt. We grew apart and develop[ed our differences.

In fourth, it was Alyssa Bosch. She decided one day, that her ice skating was more important than me, her best friend. We have not talked much since.

In fifth, it was Reagan Greer. He ran away and was never heard from again.

In fifth and throughout eighth, it was Whitney Nealy. And then... she moved. And we tried to remain in contact, but she just... hangs with a different crowd now.

In ninth, it was Mike Levi. He found new friends. New, cooler friends than me.

And then in Tenth, Katheryn. And Kat. And Mike was promoted to best friend.

I fear that I will lose them somehow. Already, it seems like they are slowly slipping away from my grasp.

And then Tonight. Amanda. She... was so special to me, but she thought it better that we part ways. For various reasons.

Am I cursed? Why does this happen to me? It breaks my heart everytime. Soon, I will have nothing left at all, only a black void. I try not to be a b***h and I try not to argue, but...

It's so very hard.

With a mother, who wishes you were never born and a family that could really care less....

All I have are my friends.

And now, I fear that I will lose Ian. I hope I don't.

I considered myself very close to Amanda. Perhaps, not as much as I thought. Or she thought. Or someone thought.

It breaks my heart though.

Another friendship, soemhow wasted. Another frienship, that I poured my heart and soul into. That I satuyed up countless nights with. That I... gave things too.

Another friendship, ended.

Becasue of me.

And it hurts, so much to know... that I will not have her anymore.

Why is this my curse? Why can I not jsut have one person who will never leave me?

It's almost like punishment.

I am not perfect. I am not flawless. I yell when I'm mad. I get angry... but...

Everyone does.

I love all my friends. I loved Amanda too.

But I suppose that that isn't enough.