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I just... don't understand life anymore. And i don't know when things became so complicated. the scariest thing, though, is that i find myself wishing for my old, screwed up life back. And i know i sound like a b***h, and i know i should be thankful for everything i have, but i guess its because i still had hope in my dreams, while now its like, even if I pretend like I'm sure that i'll find a way to make something happen, i really don't believe it myself. when i was younger, i was so sure that things world be wonderful since I had such a ******** up life. But now... i find myself living an average life, heading in the same direction as everyone else, and yet... well like my friend said "Echo (me) and I, we really don't want to end up like every other adult we've met in our lives so we'll do what we have to. I will not become my mother, that I swear. They say to follow your dreams so... ha ha take that." so that's where I am. Life has given me a microscopic, nearly impossible chance and I'm determined to make it work. I just... don't know how yet. this is not what I imagined myself when I was little. chasing after silly fantasies. Yet here i am, trying to find a way to make my dreams reality. And for some reason, though i know its ridiculous, i actually do believe that this could work out. I really hope it does. If there is some holy spirit out there, this is your time to prove yourself to me. heh, in some ways, i'm more of a little kid now than i was back then....
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