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i know how you feel, june 11, this year, i lost My best friend Ryan. He accidentally shot himself in the head, he was cleaning a rifle and forgot to unload it and accidentally pulled the trigger and blew off the back of his head. he died tuesday and was buried saturday, i was todl several times he was dead, but i still couldnt believe it. not until the funeral did it finally hit and i realized i lsot my best friend...no i didnt lose a friend, i dont believe i could call him a friend after all...he was my brother. I carried his casket and put him in his grave. That was without a doubt the hardest thing i ever done (not physically but emotionally). Ryan was the coolest cat this worlds ever seen, he was always making ya laugh and so fun to hang around. hehe *tear falls* hehe, i remember last april fools day to play a prank on his neighbors, he put a for sale sign in their yard XD, toki was so awsome. I still feel his presence sometimes. Durign his funeral, as i carried him, one of his favorite songs' msuic vid popped in my head, and accidentally without knowing i was singing: Whats the worst that i could say, things are better if I stay, So long and goodnight, so long and goodnight! well if we carry on this way, things are better if you stay so long and goodngiht! so long and goodnight! But when s**t liek that happens, its a real eye opener, to just know that at any moment, your life can be taken from you, jsut like that. Its horrible feeling, i sitll cry (yes a man liek me can cry he....) at night. I even composed a song in his memory:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=43263462

as well as writing this in his memory, feel free to use both to consul you, i found writing and composing soothes the soul, you should try it, it helps.

Death
By Matthew Milliken
AKA Dr. James L Marcoh

It's essence lingers in the air,
Slowly moving through my hair,
Bringing naught but pain and sorrow,
Then fleeing before the light of tomorrow.
In order to fulfill it's only role,
It comes to steal a loved one's soul.
An enemy to life and time,
It catches us like a hook on a line,
Coming as a fatal surprise,
And departing just as the sun will rise.
Unfortunately this will be my final breath,
For this, my friends, is what we know as death.