Just the other day I actually sat down and had a serious mental discussion with myself. Maybe because I'm no longer a blonde, but it actually turned out productive. In short, I decided a few things.
One: I'm glad I'm not a blonde.
I had a good round with it, but I bleached my hair three times in the span of nine months - NOT healthy for one's hair. With the close of the general convention season I officially decided that I no longer wished to cosplay Amane Misa (of Death Note fame) and chopped off six inches of my hair (when really, it was only supposed to be three).
Thus, I attempted to dye my hair back to its natural hair color a couple of weeks ago. The first time I accidentally used a lightner, so it made my hair ash blonde bordering on grey (yeah, that wasn't happening). The next thing I used a couple of days later was a temporary dye for dark brown and the initial color was close enough to my own (a little darker though). But then it started fading right away so I put another darkner in my hair which was supposed to turn it dark brown... Now it's primarily dark brown/black with blonde/light brown high lights. But everyone likes it, so whatever.
Two: I'm almost ready for a serious relationship.
Yes, I've been hurt - but who hasn't? I'm not going let this whole Josh thing keep me down forever. He made his decision without going to anyone for help. While he'll always hold a place in my heart it's about time I made room for someone else.
But then when I thought about - what kind of person am I looking for? Everyone around me I would prefer to keep at simply the "friend" level because, well, blatently they're too odd for me. Also, I don't think I can stand dating someone who saw my emotional vunerability first hand when Josh passed away. Because nearly three months after the fact I still have people thinking I'm going to take my life - what the hell?
Then there's the people at my school. Ugh, I don't even want to go there. I don't like rich preppy or scene boys, I don't like "gothic" or "emo" kids, and the jock type probably won't bode well for me. Why?
The rich preps in the community are spoiled, arrogant b-tards who get EVERYTHING they want. The "gothic/emo" kids are posers. The jocks, eh, I don't really care for sports any more.
So then that leaves the question of what there's left to do. Shortly I'll be starting at a new job which I assume will bring a new variety of people and then next year I'll be attending a different school. For a moment I contemplated online dating, then laughed it off. I mean, it doesn't sound like a bad idea, but with my luck I'd end up with the weirdo who lives in his mother's basement. X3
Three: Profession.
Right now my chosen path is secondary education (high school) and I think I'll be fairly happy with it. But recently I've wondered: Could I actually become something more?
I don't love writing, I adore it. It's my passion and what drives me to retain some sanity in today's crazy world. For a few years of my life that was what I wanted to be with teaching as a fall-back (I mean, it does take some time to get noticed). Now it's kind of flipped.
Really, I'd love to do book-movie adaptations because I've seen so many films and gone "I could do it better." (Then again, don't we all?) While I abhore being in FRONT of the camera, the behind-the-scenes stuff has always thrilled me. Because seriously, without them there'd be no movie. Most actors are only as good as the lines they read and the costumes they put on.
*Sigh* Boy, I've got my work cut out for me.
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The Epitome of Drama
Ever wonder what an ordinary person's life is like? No? Well, you're about to find out anyway.
-Title credited to [.Distorted-Reality.]-
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