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You Could be Happy- The Closet
(Based on a song written by Snow Patrol)
You could be Happy
***
A young girl's heart is only so strong. She mainly relies on her imagination to get her through. When mommy and daddy fight, she imagines that they are only worried about her and that they just can't find her hiding in the closet, with her hands over her ears, crying as she hears them smash things and scream when she isn't behind what ever they through out of their way.
And I won't know
***
She waits there in her own little world with happy Barbies and animals until she is almost a teenager, and the boys now become as mean as girls were when she was young. They start to judge the changes in her body, her breasts and how they are smaller then the next girl, or how her hips still have that childish round look and haven't curved away from her body. Her hair grows away from her face as the hormones change it into something she can't control, and she wonders really what the big deal is about boys. Why when she looks at them and they smile or she feels their eyes scour her changing form, she blushes and wants to run back into that closet, yet she wants to be near those judging creatures who are just as she is, changing into husky dangerous bait to her slowly growing desires.
But you weren't happy the day I let you go...
***
A young woman faces many trials. She still hasn't finished changing but she understands some of the evils her body throws at her mind. She sees the young man that catches her eye every day and recieves images from her still active imagination of his hands running over her stomach and hips, and how she keeps pulling him closer wanting him, and telling him so. Her mind tortures her heart so that when she loses her virginity at the wrong time, she yearns for the man that was inside her; yearns for that feeling once again. She aches when he goes off with another young woman and she knows that her body was a vessel for a sudden urge, a sudden natural sustenance that starts you on the path of continued torture for life.
But what she doesn't know is that the young man dreams of her every night and wonders if he will ever have her sensations around him ever again. And he smells the memory of her hair and skin, knowing that his body will never forget her since his mind is a constant reminder. They both ache.
And all the things that I wish I had not said...
***
A few years later, it has been a few more men that have given her all they have, and every time there has been withdrawals, and she lays on her bed, down the hall from the bedroom her parents share and make love, her eyes damp with 10 minute tears that run down her face of the side of her own bed. The phone hangs off the hook to ward off the calls of another ex-boyfriend that pursists he wants her back, but she knows it was her own fault he won't let go.
Are played in loops till it's madness in my head...
***
In her own apartment she sits in the shower, staring up at the ceiling the water cascading down her legs. He still sleeps in the other room, but she yearns to leave him, but her body says no. Every man she has been with she never loved because her heart was to fragile to hold on to them after the first boy made off with another girl, but she can't sustain the touch of a man or his feeling by herself; she hates herself for being the wolf in heat leading the poor dogs to their emotional turmoil.
Is it too late to remind you how we were?
***
She drinks her tea in silence as the door bell rings and she slowly walks to the door to answer it, receiving a bouquet of flowers that hold a card that reads, "I need to see you again". Thinking that the regal and elegant arragement of Bird's of Paradise, carnations, roses, and baby's breath are from a last year's fling who just can't let go of her warmth and simple on night stand (that was all too complicated) and is trying to draw her in with an Old Wives tale of a women's stereotype, she places them in the center of the table and throws out the card, without looking at who addressed it.
But not our last days of silent screaming blur.
***
The phone rings and she answer's it with caution of another heartache to place on her every so tender concience that is filled to the brim with guilt; A man's voice speaks into the reciever and she asks politely who she is speaking to and drops the reciever at the answer. It hits the floor with a cracking slam.
Most of what I remember makes me sure...
***
She sits in the coffee house with her mother speaking of how a the only boy that broke her heart phoned her, and she proclimated that she will meet him after all these years. Her mother smiles in silent disapproval but she thinks that this man may be giving her daughter the chance a mother never had when it came to love. Later that night, the mother takes out a picture of her lost husband and kisses the glass and hold it to her heart and prays heavenward on her knees for the man who now lays in a graveyard in another state and never gave her a second chance.
I should've stopped you from walking out the door.
***
The man she knew as a boy greets her with an embrace when she reaches the fountain outside the building where he waited for her; Her hands wrapped in his she cries angrily at how he broke her heart and it has never healed even when it was never strong to begin with. Her holds her against him although she tries to break away in naive anger but all to strong pain. He kisses her cheek as she struggles, and cries as well as he explains how alike they are.
You could be happy, I hope you are...
***
He had many women as well because this one woman wouldn't get out of his head; her smell, her touch, he couldn't get over her. Every night with someone else he imagined her and she blinks in amazement when he says that one night he couldn't stand it anymore and searched her address because his body wouldn't give his mind release. But his imagination was the torture.
You made me happier then I'd been by far...
***
She wakes up in the morning in his arms and kisses his neck and chest still unsure if any of it is real, and slips back into sleep and dreams of the night before and smiles as she wakes again, only to be alone.
Somehow everything I own, smells of you.
***
Tears fall down her face as she throws her blankets and pillows across the room to after she searched the house and found a note that said, "I needed to see you again." Too alike to the note that was sent with the flowers, and she collapses onto her stripped bed to drench the mattress with tears and sweat as she curses her broken heart.
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true...
***
Several night's later, the coffee is still bitter and her eyes are sore and tired with her pain and she sits in the farthest corner of the room wringing one of the withering roses in her palm and stares blankly at the clothes she stripped off as soon as she walked through the door. They make her skin itch and she longs to be naked in her broken state and just fidgets with the rose and her feet roll in the sheets that still reek with his stench and she sighs brokenly and resolves to forget about him, but then she cries knowing that her heart is now beyond repair and she cries in full hysteria at his sudden reminder of that man with her father.
Do the things that you always wanted to...
***
There was a little girl who hid in a closet lost in her own world of Barbies and stuffed animals. She never cared about sex or men or the evils of both the body and mind, and only longed for the attention of her parents. She only had a few reminders of her father's warmth and her mother never said what she really thought.
Without me there to hold you back,
***
The woman stands in an elevator as it heads down to the lobby when it stops at the second floor to let someone on. She taps her foot in annoyance without looking at the new rider of the elevator, and the man's voice just chuckles as he walks in and she looks at him only to stare and then blushes when she can't stop looking at him. His hands caress her hips and his mouth caresses her neck.
Don't think just do...
***
She crawls out of the closet when she voices stop and she open's the door a crack to tiptoe into the living room and finds her parents embraced in a deep kiss on the couch and she runs at them and hugs their legs. Her heart still strong, but her imagination always gave a little help. Her parents smile and pull her up between them to hug her and apologize for their fighting.
More then anything I want to see you girl...
***
They reach the lobby and the elevator opens to show all the patron's their love that was once forgotten but never removed. But the silence was never so filled with the fast paced heartbeats of affection and what and Old Wives Tale calls love.
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world.
***
And she thinks: You could be happy.
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