for the first time in a long time I was listening to a CD I hadn't listened to from beginning to end, Snow Patrol: Eyes Open (damn good CD btw) and I was cutting up potatoes when I heard the last couple lines of the seventh track "Make This Go On Forever" and I started to cry, for th first time in a long time, I have started crying again for random reasons. The last couple lines reminded me of how I hardly hear from people that are my friends, I am lucky if I get one phone call in a week from someone who just wants to call me up and talk.
Every night has been so lonely, really it has. And it makes me wonder if this is what my adult life will be like when I graduate; everyone I called friends will go on their own way and totally forget the one little person that has probably been there for all of them.
I swear, after my depression last year, no one has treated me the same. and I want to yell at all of them, THIS HURTS!
they talk to everyone but me, invite everyone but me, tell everyone but me. I think I have slipped into shadow-hood again, but oh well. One day someone will see me again.
Here are those lyrics that awakened these thoughts, not the whole song though:
"... And we should spend some time apart
For both our sakes
The last girl and the last reason
To make this last for as long as I could
The first kiss and the first time that
I felt connected to anything
The weight of the water the way you taught me
To look past everything I have ever learned
The final word in the final sentence
You ever uttered to me was love
The last girl and the last reason
To make this last for as long as I could
The first kiss and the first time that
I felt connected to anything
The weight of the water the way you taught me
To look past everything I have ever learned
The final word in the final sentence
You ever uttered to me was love
(here is where I start to cry)
And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness
Please just save me from this darkness
And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness
Please just save me from this darkness
_______
another thing is that damn fear of mine that I'll be alone at age 40... please don't let this be a sign. I need someone, but can I trust myself to not let my fear of commitment make my fear of being alone come true?
god damn I am a confusing wreck
 jadepheonix_kristuya · Fri Nov 09, 2007 @ 03:19am · 0 Comments |
