Kimi wa mou yume no tsuzuki todoku hazu mo nai koto da to wakatteiru
Anti-Nostalgic Gravitation
In liveing memory of Jan gray mother of three children and 6 chikens
********... please please make this stop.
if you havent got the idea from my title im a little bit exhausted.
Right at this moment im waiteing for a phoncall from Dan (my theater teacher) im exhausted right now, but im not leaveing untill my work is okay... Dan talked to us today in senic class nearly made me cry... He said that he understands that were doing our best and that were trying as hard as we can with school and theater crushing down on us. right now i should be in math class but im not because im here trying to get this to work.. ive ben Drafting on a program called Vectorworks (its computer aided Drafting for theater) ither way its not the most complicated thing in the world but ive been doing this near constantly sence about ten this morning its now about 8 30. i need to see the dentist... sorry just made note of it. i keep forgeting to call them and make an appointment. have a cavity thats becomeing a absess. ither way ive been here for several hours but dan will be calling soon and telling me if i did okay or exactly how many C's are in CRAP this time... my moneys on more than i wana think on... its scareing me... i dont now this program wellenought to be doing this... ive been fighting off tears all day because i dont know what to do... im scared... to day dan told us all just what my dads been telling me about my life for the past few years... well ever sence i got into theater.... its the "you need to choose right now between doing this and something els because it requers dedication." my dad really tells me its theater or my family and my life... the thing is theater is my life... i love and care for the people that im dealing with here... its just right now um under an extream amount of stress and leaking tears here and there... because i dont know what im doing!!! im scared... and i... i just wanted to try this i didnt think that Heidi would stick me with ALLL the ******** drafting because im NOT that good... in fact in a techical manner of speaking i suck. but her and jen are out at a show with the theater apricieation class and left me here to do the work... i honestly feel a little put off. however heidi has been trying to secure us a flat screen tv for free, NOT TO KEEP, but still they dont know what we'll do to it if we barrow it. its just i want to... and have actualy beat my head against the desk. im soo ******** worried... and i dont want dan to yell at me... ill cry i know i will... ive been trying so hard but i cant make it work... when we did front elevations in calss it was a literaly step by step instruction manual as to what to do. literaly what each key stroke was... so long as you read the directions you didit right. i just couldent translate them from instructions to application on my own idea... i mean what ihave isnt that bad right now. i have a 3d rendering of a set thats 14 feet tall... and a 3d theater but i dont know what to do now.. and dans not happy with me... i know hes not... and im so ******** upset right now... jeeezy creazy im frightend and i feel sick and weak.... and now i have work tomarrow... and i have to ditch out on that to.. because theres a 3 pm designer runthroo that i compleatly forgot about... oh god... oh ******** god... why.... *sighs*.... i just.. dont know what to do... please dont let dan be that mad... >_<