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Damn. :X I hate life... Owwell I don't but it just sometimes doesn't work properly. At school I don't want to be the stupid one who doesn't know maths and chemistry, nor can speak any languages. I don't want to be the noob one of the bunch we have. I want to be smart. Someone reading this I could imagine laughing at me (someone I know but you don't, my diary) but I'm sure that absolutely no living thing will ever open this. Not even my friend, because I stopped reading their journals for the same reasons they never read mine again. We all have so many other things to do. I know it's not nice and I should go and check them all out. It might be that they are having problems which they only write about and which I therefore haven't heard of. sad
But anywayss... I used to study really hard. Yeah, for only the first freakin' week. I was reading through my chemistry and maths to understand it over and over again and when I stood up I almost immediately fainted and found myself then on the floor. F****..... :8 I haven't done that again though I know i should study for the mocks. I think I'm now starting to understand the chemistry and maths better. But today killed my dream. Today killed all my hope. I just found out through a chemistry test that I didn't improve at all or that I didn't understand what they were asking. Sorry for any english speaking person reading this (probably there aren't any) but let me say I hate that language! I hate all the other languages except for my own. I hate them because as I try to say something correct or as I think I'm understanding somethin they come kick me on my head. *snif. I know I'm emo... sometimes. Though I don't look like one, and unlike some people I don't think there is anything "cool" there. English which I used to think I was ok at sucks. Always when the teacher is talking to me she asks if I understand. Goddammit! I'm not stupid! And I hate it when she tells me to quit being sad about it. I'm not allowed to be sad if I fail something that used to be one of my favourite subjects? History sucks too. The teacher speaks unclearly, doesn't know how to teach and does the same things over and over again. Well, I'm lucky as long as he is doing so since I don't have to try to listen. I'm still trying to, but the way he talks is really not interesting at all. I liked my last teacher! At least I understood the homework.
I'm really really really glad to go back to Finland. i'll get rid of this idiot bunch around me and I'll get to my Northern homeland which does make some sense in this crazy world. Holland makes no sense. sad It's a stupid place. Too liberist, too free, too hippy for me. The only thing I will really miss are my true friends, and I probably only have 3 of them at the moment. Plus "Tiny" who left.