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I wish I could die. Nothing is working correctly. My life is s**t. It ain't be great, when I move to Finland. I don't wanna go back. Today was my last day here, you see. Now I am on a study leave for three weeks, and then the exams start. After that I am just leaving. This all happened so quickly. I could say I never even got to know anybody here, and as I say I have moved so much, it can't help anything... I mean I this is the longest time I have ever stayed in one place, and now I will have to move again. I wish we could stay. I am really all broken, in every way I could think of. I am confused, I have no true friends, I don't know who I am, and people think they know who I am and call me something that I don't want to be. Or that I am not. I am not shy and quiet. I just cannot say things in English, because it knots my tongue and nobody is so interested in what I say that they would listen to me for ******** five minutes to explain some very little thing. Whatever I say sounds so childish and stupid in English. Why do they keep telling me to sing? It's not as if I was ashamed. It's just that when I try everything blocks... And you don't know how much I'd want to let it come out, but it's impossible. I can't even breath then. And that makes me mad. I just keep shouting at people for no reason and keep being such an a*****e. I hate being me. I wish I could love my life. I love myself, but so much that I even enjoy crying when I feel wronged, which is quite often. I love to think about dying, I love to think about how nobody would miss me, because I was such a boring person, and I love to think how they would feel bad for not missing me. And how would I die? With who? What would I say not to sound neither emoish... nor like childish... If those two aren't the same thing. I love the moments when I feel that nobody wants me. I love to feel the love of myself. I love being cheered up by myself, my sweet self. Am I weird? Maybe I just don't even like other people in any way... Maybe I just wanna have fun alone. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm perverted, but I won't videotape myself like that one dood did. o.O And happily no one will ever read this. I'm leaving it public just hoping that somebody would. why? I don't know. I don't really care. Now I sound stupid that I am explaining it.
LoL... Somebody says that is an arabic word. o.o when you write it a little differently of course, and when it's read backwards. Plus it means something completely else.
I have a white house and two children. I have a husband and loads of loads of sheep. I live next to a blue lake, on the lush green countryside of Finland. I have a job and I have money. I am happy and I have friends. I have hobbies, I've got everything I could ever need. Oh lol, lol... I am random. Describing my heaven will destroy it. Why is my utopia so discusting on the screen? Why would I have a husband and children? Why would I have a big, white house on the countryside of some strange little blob of five million people. Some insignificant little corner of the cold northern Europe. Nobody knows where Finland is. Nobody knows where I am from. They think everybody there is blond. They think we have polarbears... Oh, and they think we live in igloos. Yes, of course.
And yea, all British people like tea at 5 o´clock. They all make discusting food out of liver and such stuff, and they all have freckles and a pink face and an orange hair.
All Americans are fat, they eat hamburgers every day. They don't care about their own future nor the future of the world.
All the Germans are nazis and racists. They all have a blonde hair and blue eyes. They all love heavy metal music and they are all masochists. Plus they eat sausages.
All Russians are crazy with drinking and sex. They think of nothing else but money and they cheat whenever they can. They all have ugly, black beard and a fur hat and they dance weird.
All Japanese draw manga and dress up fancy. They all eat sushi and speak funny, and nobody can understand them. They all have weird legs and their knees point towards each other and they have a stupid, childish voice.
The Swedish are all gay. They dress up in blue and yellow and they are really perverted. They eat brown bread and fart a lot and they make shitty music. Plus they are stupid as hell.
All Australians surf and they all look like cangaroos on their huge legs. They have brown skin and blonde hair and they speak weird English.
All French are nationalists and refuse to speak anything else than French. They are arrogant and think they own the world plus the best food. They are overly happy and artistic and you always see them walking witha wine bottle on their other hand, and a French bread on the other, and of course they wear a funny, pointed hat.
Yea. We have stereotypes of each other. And as I have realized that I don't live in an igloo, I also don't believe those descriptions above. I do not live in an igloo! Seriously. No, I never did. Even in Finland. o.o