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lawlz. xD That was a joke. I just saw that newest movie, Casino Royal.. Or sumthing like that it was called. I decided that I don't wanna marry a mafioso anymore. Normally that ends up bad... Lot of blood everywhere, and that type of nice lil stuff.. Well, you know I don't believe it exactly what's in a bond movie-I'd rather prefer Godfather or The Sopranos. Or just keep my brainwashing, sweet Il Canto di Malavita and live in my fantasies. I don't like Mafia films. In the Soviet Union the leaders watched James Bond and tried to copy the weapons because they thought the Americans really had those. For example their umbrella with a machine gun in it is from a Bond movie. xD Sometimes I really laugh at the Russians.
People love saying negative stuff about Hitler. I think I should stop telling them I admire him. Alright, that doesn't matter in the internet, but irl it kind of does. You know these people who get really out of their minds and start doing crazy stuff when you remind them from Hitler, since they might have some bad personal experiences of the nazis. I just don't really understand why communists are fine with so many people but when you happen to like Hitler they say you should be killed and everything. That's what I'm afraid of. What if meet some insane "worldloving" left winger who wants to kill me for my different opinions?
I'm not antisemitistic at all. I have nothing against different people (the truth is really that I have never met a smart person with a "black" skin, but I still don't have problems with them. If I have met just a few and they all happen to be idiots, that can't mean all the black people in the world are idiots). I don't understand myself sometimes. I'm still wearing my pretty swastika bra but why did I go and buy a Mao bag, or a Palestina scarf. Whatever people say about the scarf, I don't care. I know what the meaning of it is. I'm just glad other people think it's only a scarf. If someone wants to know the meaning I can prove it's a terrorist symbol. Actually my scarf is a little bit different. It's on purpose. It's made of different material than they normally are and the pattern is different. So my scarf is really just fashionable and it has no real meaning like the others do. That's good.
I wish no one is gonna ask me about all those commie accessories I have bought. I've got that green tie from the Soviet union uniform, I've got the mao bag, the palestina scarf and lots of lots of red clothes. I'm glad that my class is about 75% idiotic and their observation is a round little zero. They won't notice and they'll keep thinking I'm a national socialist, which i'm not. The time of these big "isms" is over. They are all dumbed into a rubbish bin from now on. There are no many people who truely wish for things like the Third Reich. The thing is that I like communists too, but I like nazis more. I don't think it's allowed in my school to dress up into nazi signs and bags with Wolfie's face on them etc. I'd get expelled. That's what I was told. So as I love military, I'll dress up more neutral but still add things that have to do with the army. I'm definitely going to the army. Some people say I'm insane as I like war, others say I'm childish as I talk about it all the time (I know I should stop), and some even say I'm interesting. They all think I should be sent into a mental hospital or a concentration camp. It's really nice to be annoying. I love being annoying. And I know I will live only once, so I'll take everything my life can give and after I die I'll see if I go to heaven or hell or nowhere. I don't know if there is a hell. I don't think so but I can't be sure. I can't be sure if there is any life at all after death. I can't be sure about anything, but as I believe in God I lose nothing. Especially when I'm christian. A simple pray is all enough, and the God will love me again. It's not working automatically. Quite hard to explain. But the God knows when you are truely believing him to forgive your sins. So, let him forgive me for being a sinner and liking the wrong things. I can't help it, but I can pray for him to help it.
Oh I missed all my friends so. D: I'm not waiting for the holiday to end but I wish I could see them all again. I'm so sad that one of my best friends left forever. I didn't cry at once. I know I'm gonna see her again but even though it never made my eyes wet I'm feeling empty inside. I will not see her this year. She won't be sitting next to me in Dutch and she won't be hiding sandwiches from the teachers with me. I've got other friends too, fortunately. But the new people are the most exciting thing. They can either spoil everything and let the suicide percentage of our class rise from zero to high up to the stars or then they can be our friends and make us all happier than ever. Oh well... That's a little black and white. ö_Ö I didn't mean it literally. lol.
I wish I had a lion. (But no idea where that came from.)
See you later. heart