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Ouut of the darkness caomes the many things that haunt me. her pain is my pain, her happiness is my happiness, and yet she seems so far away. it's like i'm trying to climb a mountain that reaches far beyond the heavens and somehow, i'm still at the bottom, trying to figure a way to get to her, looking down at me from her perch high above.

i want her to believe me, i want her to be able to trust me again, i want her to see me for me, not the charade that everyone sees, i want her to see who i truly am, behind the mask that everyone looks at when thay turn my way. i want her to know what i'm truly like, but i can't, because i feel like something's holdong me back, keeping me from showing her what it is that i truly am. hell, i want to know myself, but that's impossible, because in order to do that, i must go back into the darkness from which she pulled me, and the only way back is to give her up, but that i can't to, becuase i love her. and by saying that, i sowrd to never go back to that place again, to go back to that hell that i call my heart.

i want her to hold my hand as i lead her through my mind and see the desolation, the despair, the destruction wrought from being alone, being invisible to those who didn't care whether i lived or died. i want her to see what really goes on in my mind and to know the true reason why i am always so random, why i love chibi so much and why for a fact that i still want to stay in my lonely dark corner all alone. the real reason why i want her near.

i want to tell her that i love her, i want to tell her that she will always be the only oone for me, but i can't. i can't hold her, i can't kiss her, i can't do anything because she isn't here with me right here and now as i type this for anyone to read. i want her love to be the sun in my sky, i want her love to be the rain in my sky, but no matter how hard i try, i can't have it that way, because she isn't here...