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Well I don't know why I'm still up. I'm tired, I really am, which is surprising considering I slept till 8pm. I'm gonna get fired if this keeps up. I've been calling in on average about once every other week due to stomach problems and I can't figure out why. I guess I'm obeying a subconsious desire to lose my job and push myself into a suicidal fit. I know that due to the recession I really can't afford to lose my job because there's no way in hell someone's going to hire me when I got fired for calling in so much. Craptastic. I guess I just need to suck it up and deal with work even though it's one of the most stressful jobs I've ever had. Dammit.
 Kuma Zura · Wed Mar 25, 2009 @ 11:32am · 0 Comments |
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Do you think it ever goes away? The feeling that when this happened you should have done that and when he said that you should have responded with this? The anxiety and feelings of inadequacy are a constant in some people's lives, but others live with confidence in themselves and their responses to life as a whole, never second-guessing themselves, never thinking 'well why didn't I think of that sooner?' Bastards.
Sometimes I wonder what it's for. Fear and anger and happiness I can see uses for, but who ever benifits from regret?
Kuma Zura · Wed Mar 25, 2009 @ 05:52am · 0 Comments |
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Have you ever been doing something completely mundane and all of a sudden this wave of depression sweeps over you and it's like something inside you is crying out for freedom, like it wants to fly away and the only thing weighing it down is the meat-sack you call a body? I wonder if it's the 'spirit' that is supposed to live on after you die. But why would something so pure and free want to spend even one nanosecond on this planet? Could it be childhood? Mine wasnt' all that great, filled with anxiety and self loathing, like I decided to get a head start on the teen angst scene. Hey, I wasn't weird! I was just ahead of my time! Either that or insanity is catching and there was a worldwide epidemic when no one was looking that only affected people from age twelve to age twenty two. Could it be the little things in life? That's barely enough to keep me here, let alone some mystical being that could fly away at any moment. I guess I'll find out sooner or later. All I can say is that if it turns out my life was one big metaphysical frat-house initiation ritual, I'm gonna be pissed.
Kuma Zura · Sun Mar 22, 2009 @ 10:59am · 0 Comments |
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So me and my buddy Lady Tora were watching Twilight and it was on the part where they are in the cafe and he's telling her what everyone's thinking about.
I was thinking that in that cafe, there were many stories going on and each person was their own main character. Like, the waitress may be in a kind of V.C. Andrews story where she has these two kids that she kidnapped from her twin sister because they were separated at birth and the sister was adopted by this rich family who loved her and gave her everything, only the waitress was left at the orphanage only because she was sick and they forgot that she was a twin or the parents would have taken her too and then the parents found out and had been trying to track her down but the orphanage had a fire and the records were lost so the waitress grew up really bitter and so she kidnapped the sister's kids and is raising them as her own.
Wow... I'm awesome. Anyway, so I was thinking that everyone has a story that they are the main characters of and they are also supporting characters in someone else's story. Like life is one big crossover fanfiction and life isn't a circle, it's a web. Kind makes you feel important and insignifigant all at once, knowing that if your story was removed, your thread in the web was broken, that some people would have big, gaping holes in their lives, but the vast majority of the world wouldn't even register you as a blip on their radar.
The secret to life is finding out which is which and making the most of your time together. You don't wanna go hooking up with someone who won't care if you are there or not!
Kuma Zura · Sun Mar 22, 2009 @ 10:52am · 0 Comments |
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