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dizzy dizzy
tearing out my hair
I can't stop smiling
I can't stop to care
Feeling like a clown on drugs
a little brought down
disturbed by the bugs
in my brain, I go crazy
I creep you out
I don' t make any sense
but that's fine, I can do without
the approval of myself?
I don't know
I confuse myself
I get up, I pace, my strange feelings, they grow
do you get what I'm trying to say?
If you do I'm a tad scared
cuz as I sit here and write this
I run my fingers through my hair;
a nervouse habit, what has me messed up?
the fact that I'm not sure I care
what happens to any of us?
No, it isn't that.
something just out of reach
taunting me, teasing me and my sad humanity
chanting "haha haha, you can't see me"
cuz I can't
damn; I'm blind, maybe?
no?
you say I'm not?
Nope; I can see everything
I'm watching what I grew, my ideas, rot
the sight goes into my stomach and makes it feel hot
like it's about to boil over
and I'll lose every thought
I've ever had, other than
what I've thought all along?
I can't tell, I can't speak, I can't sing
my throat burns as my words become my things
"my" actions, "my" words, stolen from my mind
laid out on the street for the world to find
but
they aren't mine, are they?
I don't even know, I don't make sense today
Damn it, I gotta stop breathing. just for a minute; real quick
just long enough to stop feeling sick
than the laughter is back,
I can't stop smiling
and I look like nothing matters to me
than he calls and the insanity's gone
but I'm not saying that my cure is him
I'm just good at hiding
my sanity's really only paper thin
 Chezzy91 · Fri Aug 03, 2007 @ 05:21am · 1 Comments |
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I just got a call from Ms. Arnette. (my world history teacher)
I passed the AP credit exam!  I now have three hours of college credit for world history. It doesn't sound like a lot, but I worked hard for it!
Chezzy91 · Fri Jul 13, 2007 @ 01:49am · 1 Comments |
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It's happened again.... I did one thing wrong just in time to mess everything up.
Sometimes I wonder if I can do anything without messing at least some part of it up. If, after what happened, I had done what I wanted to and told her exactly how I felt, I would've lost her. Now, even though I held back every angry word I wanted to say, it still seems as though I'm going to lose her. I just can't keep a friend if I tell one truth about how I feel, can I? Then, of course, I don't and so they think I hate them or don't want them around. They complain that I act "distant" and then when I act fully there and tell them what's wrong, I lose them. I told Max the truth, I lost him. I told Victor the truth, I lost him. I didn't tell Valorie the truth, I nearly lost her. I told Sarah the truth, she almost lost me. I didn't, and now I'm losing her. What am I supposed to do? My anger, confusion, depression; then my either my lying or telling the truth is running off my friends. ********. I've lost all control, but if I let it go to take care of itself, like I was trying to do, everything's gotten worse. What do I do now? My friends are slipping through my fingers at a painfully slow pace; losing another one just as I start to get over the last. And all I can do is watch. Everything I try to do to save it only makes it worse, even when I try to do nothing.
Chezzy91 · Wed May 09, 2007 @ 12:22am · 1 Comments |
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