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Wow! It's been a long time since I last wrote in my journal! A lot has changed.. First of all Kevin, my late husband died back in March 2009. I was with him when it all happened and watched him die on me twice... I wont go into details for it's still hard to deal with and I still miss him and have a hard time still to this day. BUT... I have started a new chapter in my life... He came into my life May 2nd 2010. I was so not expecting it! I was so miserable, lonely, and sad, and told myself I would never be happy again, that I would and could NEVER find true love ever again.. I was in a dark state of mind, I didnt want to be here no more, didnt want to be around anyone. I just felt so sad like I had no purpose to be here any more... I begged for God to take me that I was ready...
Then Kenny called me, and we talked on phone for few days and I was like well he seems like a really sweet, nice gentleman, and he told me... that he would really like to meet me face to face and go out on a date.. He didnt know my past.. I havent told him of it all yet... So I said yes to go on the date, and we met, I remember being so nervous and sick to my stomach, and there he was walking over to me and gave me a big hug and smile, and told me it's ok... I said I'm sorry Im just nervous, and he took my hand and said it's ok and that he's kinda nervous too!
Before I knew it time was flying bye so fast, we had spent all that time talking and laughing and just really enjoying our time together and getting to know about one another... I realized, that wow, maybe I am and can move on... I just new that I really liked how he made me feel and how we were both communicating and opening up to each other. We kissed each other good night and set plans to meet again!
This is gonna sound crazy, but I moved in with him after our 3rd date! We just couldnt stand being away from each other, It just hurt us both too much to not be able to feel, hear and touch one another.. to wake up in middle of the night reaching for the other one to only find emptiness and calling the other cuz couldnt sleep cuz we missed each other so much! It was just too painfull to be away from each other. So he asked me to pls, pls, plllllleasssse move in with him... and I hestitated because I was scared of us moving on so fast, and I didnt really know if I really wanted to move in at that time cuz i was still having hard time dealing with loosing Kevin.. So I asked myself, and I had to dig really deep inside my self and asked if I was truely ready to do this, and my answer was YES!
A year later we got married!!! We are so happy and so much in love than ever before! We never fight, we always sit and talk things out. He is such a loving, caring, romantic, funny guy... I swear some times I feel like Im watchin a funny romance comedy on tv, thats how our life is... I have never felt so much happiness and alive!
We moved in to my husbands parents house, to help his step mother take care of his father who was very ill... two weeks later he died in his sleep. June 8, 2011.
We still live with his step mother. We didn't want to leave her a lone.. I have already dealt with loosing my first husband and didnt want to see her go through that alone, she and I get a long so great! I go to church with her every sunday and wednesday night. I tell her im so proud of her for she is a very brave, strong woman!
So... for all of you out there who are going through hard times, yes life is hard, but then life throws you a curve ball and you never know whats around the next corner. So be sure to tell you loved ones that you love them, and just try to live life to the fullest! Thank you Lord, I feel so alive, and happy!
<3 Lana smile
 LanaKay · Mon Aug 15, 2011 @ 03:03am · 0 Comments |
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