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Okay, so like out of the blue, one of my ex's(if you wish to call him an ex) calls me around 1AM. Mind you, I'm still wide awake despite of working two jobs today (and for some reason, I can't go to sleep now that he did this to me). He apologizes to me after leaving me without any definite notice of a breakup months ago, and he admits that, flash forward, he misses me. Not romantically, but physically. He's not quite yet ready for a relationship, whereas I am by a long shot. No, he was not drunk when he made this call, but why at a time like that? I have no idea. I'm still figuring out why the heck he called me up in the first place.

Anyway, our conversation was just weird - the fact that he dared to talk to me nearly seven months later to apologize was bad enough. The fact that he said that if he had a place of his own, he'd be inviting me over and go out to the bars and clubs quite often was weirder.

But he has matured somewhat while we have gone our separate ways. In fact, he's also in the same job situation I am - retail and food. So, he understands where I stand in terms of lifestyle on a financial scale. As far as LARP is concerned, he hasn't played it for a while (reality has been kicking in a lot), and frankly we're both tired of it at the moment. In fact, when I asked him about a rumor about one of our old friends having a girlfriend after all this time, he took back a comment he said pertaining to his personal life. I guess he hasn't talked to this guy in a long time. Dang...

At the same time, the guy I was having high hopes for just... I don't know. Closed the door on me, I suppose? He was the perfect guy who met all the expectations for me and for my family, but he wasn't ready for commitment. And... I don't think he's going to commit to me ever, despite of the stress we're both going through right now, until he feels I'm ready for the relationship. The problem is the big question: how *will* I know?

I know that going back to the old flame as part-time lovers will just get me burned alive, but I also know that if I wait around for this other guy to commit, I'd just be letting my life pass me by without living for myself. I mean... I don't know if either of them are meant to be my soul mate, but if I choose the wrong one, I'm going to suffer the consequences. Severely.

Why must I be such a nice person? stressed