omg i ******** hate this i was really happy alittle while ago cuz i got to talk to someone who means the world to me and now i wanna die so bad.... my friend is hurt really bad and if she goes i go cuz not matter what part of me will die with her or all of me will and josh is really hurting over it cuz he really loves her so much and i just can't sit around and do nothing but yet there isn't anything i can do and i feel like it is my fault for leaving her alone with stuff out in my room cuz if i didn't leave my box cutter out none of this would of happend and it happend for the stupidest reason ever and its just grrrr... ya know... it like i can't do one god damn thing right and that i screw everything up which is true so yeah my life is so screwed up right now it just blah i wanna die but then again i don't cuz if i do then more people will be hurting and if i don't i can [try] to make things alittle better or alot so idk i am just so confused right now cuz i don't know what to do i am so lost in my own thoughts right now that if i were to bang my head on the wall right now i wounldn't feel it that is how out of it i am i feel so torn up right now and it is making my head hurt but sitting here saying all this is really helping so yeah fun fun i guess i should probley go take my meds. now but i don't wanna cuz i might OD cuz i am still alittle blah so yeah and i don't want to end up doing that what so ever so yeah blah i am so bored now cuz i am running out of things to say so yeah idk i am just out of it so bad right now that i just noticed that my finger is bleeding so yeah scary well i guess i am done venting cuz i fell much better so ttyl i guess buh bye heart heather
 Bad Little Gurl · Mon Jan 31, 2005 @ 02:34am · 2 Comments |
