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Surgery happened, Endometriosis sucks, but its a fact of life. I am afraid every day I am going to wake up and be bed bound again. However, to be able to walk with generally no pain, to be able to run, to laugh, fucin liberating! I seriously cried when I was able to walk for the first time in over a month without pain after the surgery. Still in Ottawa, Volunteering and going to school, soon to add a job on top of that again. Cheers for the chronic burnout! Quit smoking End of November, sucks smelling that s**t now, makes me ill. Umm, Recently found out my lil jj died no one told me and I missed his funeral. Really upset about that. He was a good guy, and I woulda gone around the world a million times for that jerkface. All he ever had to do was ask.

Things kinda suck in Ottawa, the absence of friends is poop, and those who are my friends want in my pants. (not sayin that's bad, I'd jump me too. However, when needing a friend, and having people eyeball the zipper to your pants, you wanna smack them.) Relationships seem to be for retards, Until I can find someone who can match my spunk, I'm not going to settle.

Oh Cj is now An anti-matter of V.P. freakin whore. My 22nd birthday is comin up in April, another birthday spent alone getting drunk at the highlander ohhh yeah.

Things are falling apart perfectly, loosing people I thought would stay with me thick and thin, family loosing face, and people telling me things that make me feel less ashamed. I feel like I'm finding myself again. I don't use this account anymore since surgery, I use Lithium Azalea now. Debating whether to continue hairstyling, or just start saving up for nursing again.

Yup the random last update of this account.

By the by, I wont let you rest well lil jj cuz I'm selfish like that.

Just another sick blog.

Honestly I feel it every day, but its livable you know? Some days its really bad, and it scares the crap out of me. Not being able to control my body. Its not to frequent, but more and more then before regardless. Last night I dont really remember what happened. I know I was telling Jenn to be quite because my head felt funny. It wasnt a headache, just felt really (hard to explain obviously razz )
Anyway I know I was in the empty tub trying to cool down, and then I woke up in bed. I remember trying to scream in pain, but I couldnt move it hurt too much. I just laid there my mind frantic as to what was going on. Que Sera Sera. My body feels pretty numb today, and I much rather numb then all the pain.. I hope where I go, the doctors will take me a little more seriously. Plus Ill have more support where Im headin. Cant Wait for the move.. the place is seriously beautiful.

Man, I got myself addicted to walking again.
Honestly there is nothing better then walking, even if I sprained my ankle and have infections from blisters on my feet >.> Its not slowing me down for long. There are still days Im to weak, and in so much pain I cant move, but somehow... Somehow Im moving, Im getting up and Im walking. I almost forget Im fighting a sickness, I forget my past, I forget everything when I walk. All I think of is how Im moving forward, and I keep going. I dont care if there are no places in Kitchener that welcome me, I just keep walking who needs a destination, there are wonderful trees, rivers and what not to stop at.

So news up on the place!!! Were probably buying a townhouse, yay for OSAP! >:3

I've been feeling really sick still, however Im just kicking myself in the a** to keep walking. Its the only thing that I have right now, until I move, then I have my beautiful Yoru. blaugh

Its pretty exciting, Ive stopped looking to the sky for answers, and just started getting off my a** and doing something about it.
Im going for journalism or pre-animation. Im really excited about taking both of them so I dont really mind which one I get accepted into. mrgreen

I haven't been as blue these days, Im just excited about getting the fu*k outta here, and starting over. Totally clean, totally new. Sure Ill still have that shitty past but I wont be keeping it on my shoulders or using it as a crutch. Im already starting, small baby steps towards who I really wanna be. 3nodding

I know that one day, people who knew me, if they ever see me a few years down the road... They wont reconize me, and who Im becoming, the strength Im using.