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I don't know if anyone will read this but oh well. My life has got many new winds blowing in to it and they are making my boat sail away from gaia. It started last spring (almost in the start of summer) when I got myself a boyfriend. And a great boyfriend he is. And I also started to coach two teams in soccer. So I had pretty busy time with boyfriend and two teams and my own practises and such. I also became a godmother of this wonderful baby. :] And now that school has started again - second year of upper secondary school which is really hard - my days are filled with that and evenings with all the soccer practises and games and such. And I also decided to start yoga. But in few months the coaching will end and I'm also going to stop playing soccer in my own team since it just isnt going like I would want to be and I feel that it is time to leave it behind and try out new things. It would still be nice to hear from all of you and I will be checking my email which is einari_@hotmail.com regularly so if you want you can write to me there.

So my summer vacation and everything has started, and I have got a boyfriend and everything is just excellent with the team that I'm coaching and everything sucks with my own team but it doesn't matter since I hurt my calf and don't need to go to those practises for a while. So it seems little like I would have got a life but it probably is just a dream but anyways I have been busy lately and not feeling like coming here so I hope you are all doing just fine without me around. (As you propably are but still. whee ) Love you all lots. heart

I'll be coaching 8 years old boys in soccer for this summer with my friend Soppis. So cool. Our team will beat all the other teams and it's going to rock. And for once I will actually have something to do on my summer holiday. Though I will have those practises and games and my own practises and games, and I need to match those somehow. And if I even find a summerjob I will have a busy summer. But it is pretty unlikely that I will find anything. Oh well I'm kinda happy for a moment. whee

Time goes so fast by all the time. I feel like I can't totally enjoy any moment anymore. Like I can't get into some moment so well. Part of me is always somewhere else. Seconds go, hours go, days go, moments go, time goes. And I feel like nothing is left in my hands. Where does all the time go and what do I do since I feel like nothing has happened and 4 weeks has gone? Is my life boring? No I don't think so, I find my life enough amusing. Every moment has something nice or sad or something else in it. But that's it. Little things get lost among thousands of other little things. Little things make your day but big things make your life I think.

It's my testweek going on. Finals for this period. Half of the tests have gone bad already and I'm just trying to do better for the rest of the tests.
And next period, the last period of this year starts soon. And it's going to be just like this one was. Everyday from eight to four. Except for monday it's from eight to three because in P.E. the one hour lesson isn't kept only the double lessons are kept. Well my choice, I really need to get this one math course away from next year since I have so many courses that I want to complete.

Now to soccer. So to those who don't know I play in the first division of B-aged girls. Our team is really large so we are actually playing two series at the same time. And our team just doesn't have team spirit. Like there would three or two or more teams in on team. And it sucks. And it shows in our game. Today we had our first game of first division. It was out already and it was just really cold. I barely could even move my hand afterwards. And the whole game sucked. We sucked. The middle field didn't play well at all, I could even say that there even wasn't any middle field at all. The defense sucked because there game few players that haven't been in practises for a long time and it just got spread out since the middle field didn't do it's job. And then attack, it just wasn't enoug powerful and they pretty much didn't want the ball there. That game had no feeling no fun no anything in it except annoyingness and hatred. I got a yellow card. I don't feel bad for it. Only wishing I had hurt the player more. Really that player so got on my nerves. Like she comes there in these normal pants keeps her hands in the pockets, has chewing gum in her mouth, she complains how she isn't able to run anymore, she sits on the ground, she giggles with her friend while whispering into her ear. Really. We go there 3 hours with a bus to play a game and then there is someone acting like that. I just felt like I could push her in the ground and jump on her. But I'm not that violent after all, I just have violent thoughts at times. And then in our team there is some persons who think they are perfect and you can't say anything to them about their mistakes without having them trying to stab your back with a knife. D:

Lately I haven't felt like spending so much time on the computer. I just have been lacking good conversations to keep me here. And the testweek too of course. I really miss some conversations and the connection what I have had with some persons at times. And I pretty much feel like it's my fault that we're not able to talk like that anymore. Like it would be me who ruins everything. This probably isn't true, but that just is how I'm. I don't like blaming anyone else of things. Or speaking bad about anyone. I need to be really annoyed by something or someone before I say single bad word about them. At least most of the time it's like that, there is some exceptions of course. And really I feel uncomfortable if someone is saying not so nice things about someone else even that in some cases I even agree with them but really it just makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I haven't had much time to thought about myself like I did before when I had time. I was pretty down at that time even cried few times because I just felt so bad. My feelings and emotions were going up and down and changing from a snap. I just was really confused. Like I would be a liquid with thoughts floating around, scattered in pieces not making anything whole. And there in the middle would some sort of mood nerve and when sad thought hits it I'm sad and when happy thought I'm happy. At the time there just was a lot sad thoughts. Now I just have been too busy to have thoughts but we will see where it will go when I have time again. And that's after the testweek is over.

Does anyone ever even read my journal?

I really would like to be able to draw better. That is why I try to practise it. And there is some other stuff that I would want to have too.
Hmm. I think I will make a little list.

-Good drawing skills. ( Maybe if I will keep trying. @_@;; )
-Better looking body. ( Yeah I can wish. ._.; )
-No blisters. ( Blisters just are nasty. D: )
-No confusion. ( I wish I knew myself better. )
-Some stuff. ninja (Stuff is cool.)

I'm really bored to the clothes I wear. I would like to wear something different for a while. The clothes I wear just aren't part of me. At least most of them are not. They just are clothes that I wear. Random pieces of fabric that has appeared in to my closet. And I don't like black in clothes that much anymore. I suppose I'm over that phase now. :]

[/random blabbing]

Ohhohoo, almost 5 days away. surprised Though last two days I have made my normal journal tour. ninja

Well I'm not really sure if anything got solved but at least I got lots of stuff done. And I also noticed that I think a lot less while I'm not on the computer. Oh well I got back all the lost sleep hours and things done. So I'm satisfied with myself again and the trust is back. n_n Everyway I just feel a lot better now. whee heart