always it takes some extreme intervention to help me truly comprehend how much i love and need my friends, family, and how i'd be nothing at all without them. how i would not WANT to be without them. every minute, hour, day, week, month, year, i watched as you inched closer to the edge and o god, how sometimes it frightened me-- always frightened me-- but in the end always i managed to dismiss it as nothing but an overreaction, nothing, and move on. but never, i think, never have i been more frightened than now, because for the first time in a long time, i took the time to sit silently with no distractions, none of these horrible worldly things, and i pondered something i avoid thinking about-- god, CRINGE to imagine-- to question what my life without you would be like. god o god the thought itself wounds me and already lessens my weak and weary will to live. truth be told i can barely even imagine how that may be, for you are such a massive part of my life that if you left, i feel as though i would no longer be myself-- as though a big chunk, an oversized part of me was torn from me. i would be a hollow vessel of a person, forever haunting the earth and its inhabitants, following the same, empty routine day after day. my life, in a way, would end the moment yours did, if not in a literal sense. and god o god, it would be our faults, all our faults, and the deep guilt hanging over this city would suffocate and smother us all. and god o god this isn't what was deserved, but what you deserve i cannot begin to efficiently put into words. god this is my fault, all my fault, and all because every minute, hour, day, week, month, year, i watched as you inched closer to the edge and was frightened-- o god, i was so scared for you-- but in the end i did nothing but watch because i didn't know how to help you. and now it's too late for help.
it's over; you've stepped over the edge and i watched as you fell.
now it's the end for both of us-- farewell.
Jin-kashrin Community Member 
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