Last night, Josh and I spent a lot of time talking about different things that needed to be addressed within our relationship. Admitedly, the whole conversation started over an argument because I was fed up that he never had the time to talk to me anymore.
We spent about an hour and a half on the phone, nearly I would say 30 minutes of which we spent in silence simply because neither of us had anything to say.
In the end though he apologised for being a d**k when we are around people, and he was sorry that he had made me so upset over it all. BUT, he said that I can be obsessive and its just something I have to learn not to do.
That of course, made me start crying because I felt like the fact that we were fighting so much was my fault. My fault for picking up on every little thing and just not letting go until it all escalades and well...Same old story I guess. I told him I would get better and so we ended the phone call shortly after.
Later on, we were talking on MSN and I brought up how sorry I was and I promised to him that I would change. He begged me to stop talking about changing, and when I asked him to call me for a literal 5 minutes just so I could hear how he was actually feeling, he was completely against the idea of changing me. He said he loved me soo much and he didnt want to change anything about me.
I cant help but think that there was actually a hint of fear in his tone of voice too, like he was scared I would get worse or something else would alter too.
And then today, this afternoon, we took a long walk in the fields inbetween our two towns, (Seeing as he lives in the next village over, about a mile away) and talked about everything from where we are going in our relationship to musical preferences.
It was really nice just to be with him and spend some time alone with him, just to hang out. It meant a lot to me, and I told him how much I had missed it. He told me he missed it too, and I know really that soon its going to get better because the nights will lighten up and it wont be dark by 6pm for much longer.
I just hope that come the summer time when we get more chances to be together, that he does actually want to be with me and not spend 100% of his time with everyone else.
Kitsmashi Community Member 
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