Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Well here's the deal, It's finally come to the point in me losing my sanity that I finally told mom that I have had Sucidal thoughts in the past. I mean I just lost it. It was a fine Thanksgiving until Dad demanded me to help grandma home. Now it wasn't having the little old woman home that pissed me off it was the fact that he didn't even ask me. Well after the next day came around and I tried to explain myself, and having anything and everything I said smashed in my face. After having no one listen to me I left the house crying. I mean I left. I called Grandma from my room and left. No word, nothing, I left. Apparently this scared mom Bad. "Good." I thought. I explained myself to mom how "I have super human expectations, and I don't know what to do. I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I'm not talented etc etc." I told her "I'm trying" but "I'm asking for help and getting nothing."

Well I was basically pretty confused yesterday. Mom talked to Dad today and he says I'm 'taking advantage of him' and apparently he doesn't believe me that I've even gone out to find a job. Gee that's great. So I'm desprate. I've deciced to finally take Kat up on her offer. And I'm waiting for him to come in my room and start yelling. I'm waiting for it. I think he's just going to ignore my existance now, which saddly is fine by me seeing as he does it anyways. It's not like things are really going to change much and I don't see why I'm trying. Nothing is ever going to please that man, nothing is ever going to be good enough, so why I try and try and try and try and try some more is beyong me. I might as well just be done with it all.

Urgh.

On the bright side I'm catching up, I watched all of Vandread in about 2 days, and I beat Star Ocean. Go me.

~kira~

Yeah for some reason I find myself not wanting to post in my Lj, however I'll porbably just copy and paste this over to it. I'm lazy. So yeah.. life... well um... yeah...

Well I guess I'll put things in the sanest language I can muster.

1. Friendship and Lightryou
2. Youmacon is friday
3. Playing Star Ocean: Till the End of Time is bad for the brain.
4.College, Anime and Guys
5. Hair Color
6.What's wrong with me?

I think that's a good "table of contents" it's not like it matters no one reads this on Gaia anyways. Maybe that's why I'm posting it here... I dunno.

1. Well after talking with Melissa I came home in a mad rage being told that the only reason Ryou hadn't been 'talking to me' was because she 'thought I didn't want to do anything with her.' I thought that same, so I called her. I ended up contecting her through the numbers her mom left for me.
She came over on Sunday told me 'she couldn't trust me' and 'she didn't want to go over it with me again' (i can't remember her EVER going over it but hey) I gave her , her things back and she left. That was that.

2. The trick with Youmacon is I'm excited I really am. I just feel like I am. Part of me is depressed about it because so many people aren't going anymore. My plans were basically shot to hell AGAIN, and yet again Chibi is cosplaying alone. I mean one minute I'm uber excited cheering yelling screaming and freaking out, the next moment I'm "meh".

3. Ah Star Ocean. Pretty pretty Star Ocean. Alright I won't give the MASSIVE spoilers I hit for those who intend to play the game but all i have to say is "WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT THE ******** HELL?!!!" yeah and I'm bitter. I could have had the crazy-wonderful-pretty-useful-voiced by cripsin freemen Albel "the wicked" Nox in my party, but NO I pick ******** Peppitta. She's useless! What was I thinking?!!! URGH. I think I'm addicted to that game now. Even if I get stuck I'm so close to the end I can taste it. I WILL be that game. Just watch me.

4. College is going fine, but thanks to a guy in my Art class, Robert *i don't know his last name* I have so much new anime to watch it's not even funny. Thanks to him I've been exposed to DNA2(squared), Fruits Basket, Rune Soldier, and Galaxy Angel. I think he has more for me too. I've lent him Chrno Crusade and X so far. Most of my stuff is "check out of the libary of Kira" at the moment. Oh and if RavenBleu even reads this I have vols. 3-7 (excluding 6) of DN Angel thanks to a friend. If you're interested. Ok Ok back to the topic. I'm way confused as to what to do now though. Robert has been dropping "suddle" hints left and right that he likes me. Today all through class he sat there poking me and ever time I grinned. I couldn't help it, I didn't mean to I just did. He walks me to my car after class EVERY TIME and ALL THE WAY. Today (it's been a few weeks), I hugged him. He passed the damned hug test to. (FYI: Hug test means - I need to feel safe/warm/ or protected by the hugger.) WTF do I do?

5. I was thinking about dying my hair back to purple after the con, but then I thought Blue or Orange would be good. A darkish Blue? Maybe? I dunno... opinions?

6. Lately I dunno what the hell is the matter with me, One moment I'm happy, he next I'm sad, the next I'm screaming at the tv (cause Albel is a tough b*****d), the next I have the horribale urge to draw but I can't bring myself to do it. I dunno.

Well Youmacon is just around the corner -literaly- it's next friday and I'm so GEEKED. I'm going to be apart of Cosplay Shougi, and all the listed costumes from before are still going. OMG, it's going to be so cool! blaugh heart I absoutely can't wait. hee!!

~kira~

Well for those of you going to Youmacon I have the offical list of cosplays coming with me, (and I should considering it's about 2 weeks away).

Edward Elric (series/Movie)
Dark Mousy
Kyo Sohma
Kira Yamato

I've been busting my a** on all of them and am quite amused.

I have lots of photoshoots to attend too. Whoo! I expect to see all of you gaian attendies at the Gaiaonline photoshoot!

Hee!

cats rules!
~kira~ 4laugh

So, yeah I know I haven't typed in this thing i a while but I use my lj alot mor ethan I'll ever really use this. Sorry for the lack of updates but that's just how the world works. I'm stuck here at my sister's doing a favor for them. Benfit = cable. It's nice to not have to deal with 56k for once. Well I'm graduated, you should of noticed this on my profile already.

So let's play Convention update. I went to JAFAX this year

I cosplayed:
Pride!Ed
Sasuke Uchiha

I bought:
A poster
A wallscroll (of the Uchiha Brothers)
Chrono Crusade
A Sasuke T-shirt
and food

I think that's it.

I took lots of pictures and posted them up at cosplay.com for anyone you would like to look at them (my SN there is the same one here.)

I plan to attend YoumaCon '06 (Nov. 3rd-5th)
So I'm working on my newest cosplays:
Sasuke Uchiha :Time Jump
Sasuke Uchiha (first one needs to be fixed)
Chrno
Kira Yamato (I shoudl fix the first one, and finish my Seed Destiny ones.)
Edward Elric (needs to be fixed)

I plan to bring them all with me. I should have a Naruto group with me, and Itachi and Naruto at the least. It's going to be quite fun to attend, and "fun" to work it around my college. whoo. ... .

Well I'm trying to start a Guild of the Rismebool Rangers (Vic Mignonga's Fan club) but it's 20K. I have 4/20 Donations?

Well CC's got me on two new Animes! I've....we've been massivly planning YoumaCon. We have a group! So far

Edward- Me
Winry- CC
Armstrong- Jordan
Rose- Mariah

Al- ? (Have to Talk to)
Roy- ? (Have to E-mail)

Yeah the Convention is going to be Awesome. Other people like, Jackie and Bender are invited, just no word yet. I know we keep harping but ya Know what...It's our events, and our senior year. We might as well have some fun during it!

I started a new picture, it looks cool. It'll go up on deviantART when it's done. Yeah and My other stuff..like "opening" is working right along too. ^^ My coat has it's collar on it....I NEVER want to do that again...urgh

We (Mom and I) got 36 new patterns today, most being renisassnce. However we got a kimono Pattern with the Obi and everything. ^^ Kaoru won't be that hard to sew For CC now. ^^

yeah Dad gave me $20 for cleaning Amber's Car out. And I'm going to watch Brianna the 30th of Sept- 1st of Oct (So for that Weekend) and that'll be $50. So that puts me at $70 + whatever I get from Grades. I'll be good. ^^

Well I'm working on my New trench the one for Youmacon and it's lookin' good. We got the buttons today all we really have left to do is the collar, the things on the cuffs, and the Inset Pockets..... all four of them. ^^ Then put on the buttons and TA DA! Coat....^^ Then I have to sew my Vest and maybe pants too and I have Movie!Ed. I have to e-mail josh and find out if he's coming so I can sew Roy for him if he is. We have line my red trench 1. Cause it has pockets, and 2. Cause Katie will need it if she comes. So yeah.. that's what I'm up too.

Been Living at Gaia trying to get People to RP and I don't have many but I found some people. ^^ It's jordan's fault I'm there. Does anyone know when the LAST YEAR of school starts? Oh it makes me so happy....

Why? It's my last year!!! You'd think I'd be all scared and worried about the furture but I'm not, cause when it comes I'll tackle it, and hope my plan works... I have a pretty good Idea of what I want to do with myself, and I'm GOING TO GET it no matter what... so ^^. I'm good.

Mom and I went to Jo Ann's Fabrics to get my Material the other day and it was so cool! It was like toys EVERYWHERE... ^^ And I found Hakama and Kimono Patterns online..it was cool. I'll do Kenshin @ the Ren Faire yet!

It makes to me happy to realize how long my hair's gotten, I gotta get my senior pictures taken...I'm going to get them when I'm coat's done. ^^ Get them in that and Maybe My red Trench too. ^^ Senior Year! Hell Yes!!!

Go Class of 2K6!!! ^^

(I'll get pictures of my Movie! Ed up when it's done)