Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Well, it certainly has been a while, you guys. I guess I should fill you in on what you missed when I left.
10/20/09:
Yep. Officially single. Hurt like a b***h and I cried for months. She said she never felt the same way, but that's not what she told our friend Katie. She told her that her dad told her to stop dating her because of the rumor I started back in eighth grade. I said that I did drugs and have been to juvie, I started it because I wanted the attention and so people would be my friend. It worked for about a week, and then it faded away. So, I basically lost her to a lie, which is something I'm gonna be holding against myself for a long time. Like, a really long time. But the thing is, I haven't learned my lesson; I continue to lie. I guess that makes me a stupid AND bad person. confused
12/16/09:
My birthday party. Invited her to come over. Worst possible idea I could ever do. She said something incredibly stupid which hurt me a lot, and when I told my two friends that came back from their cigarette break, one of them bitched her out. My friend made her apologize, and then I left after some questions were asked, and hid in my bathroom and cried. Nobody else but my two friends noticed how spaced out I was throughout the rest of the party. I was ******** miserable, I don't know why I let it affect me so badly.
1/15/10:
A month later I had had enough. I took 24 sleeping pills with high hopes that I would be dead. Well, I left a suicide note on facebook, and one of the girls I was friends with saw it and called the police, who tracked me down. My parents took me to the hospital, and I cried the whole way because I failed. AGAIN. So I was put into a mental institution for the third time and I stayed for eight days. Probably the longest eight days of my life.
1/23/10:
Came back home, with hopes of change in my future. While I was in the hospital, my mother told me that I was going to a new school. I was happy, and at the same time, I was miserable. I wouldn't get to see my friends again; that said, I would be able to start over with a clean slate and try again.
Probably the best thing I've ever done in my life.
I passed all my classes with NO Ds or Fs, I made friends, no drama in that school, and (I don't know why I look at this as a good thing) almost all the guys (which was a large majority of the high school) liked me. Like, like like me. It made me feel happy, because I realize that I really do have potential in what I want to do with my life. Sure, the school is strict, but it sure lined me up nicely. biggrin
I'm happier now with the life I have, but....I miss my friends, and I miss her. Now, I see her as my baby sister and she always will be, but....I still hold that burden against myself as to how I lost her to a lie. I'm a liar, and I've yet to learn my lesson.
I still have problems with my dad, and I still live with my bitchy sister, but those are things I'll over come. Somehow....